5 Satirical Ways Democrats Can Hold Congress in November

Jabin Botsford, Pool via AP

If you’ve driven past a gas station or turned on the news lately, you pretty much know that the Democrats will have a tough case to make to Americans during the midterms. As their playbook might be out of fresh ideas, here are a few things they should consider if they’re looking to keep the House and Senate.

1. Dress up like J.R. Ewing from “Dallas.”

My older…err… wiser PJ Media colleagues and readers may be shocked to see this reference in one of my columns, which are usually filled with the youthful ignorance of a college freshman. However, I’m busting this ’80s reference out because I believe the Democrats could truly benefit from wearing a cowboy hat and pretending to be an oil baron. It’s clear that while Americans do not want to use Russian oil, they do want an increase in domestic energy production. Let’s get real: Gas prices will continue to soar to dystopian levels in the coming weeks and months for numerous reasons. So the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee should stop at Boot Barn after reading this article.

Also read: Trump Was Right About Dependence on Russian Oil

2. Personally stand at the southern border holding a “STOP” sign like a crossing guard.

Halloween is right before the November election, so we’re going to stick to the topic of costumes. For Arizona voters like myself, it might be refreshing to see a Democrat acknowledge that the border crisis is still a disaster burdening average Americans. While few people would actually believe that Democrats want to continue building the wall or fully reinstate the “Remain in Mexico” policy, a large “STOP” sign might give those crucial swing voters the right impression.

3. Free pizza and ice cream.

Well, not free. It would be paid for by questionable campaign funding or taxpayer dollars, obviously. But only one slice and scoop per voter because, you know, inflation.

4. Become West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W. Va.).

This one might be the trickiest suggestion listed, as some Democrats would not want to even be caught dead working with the conservative Democrat. Still, he seems to be a voice of reason, and that might be something vulnerable congressmen want to cling to before their leftist coworkers scare voters off.

5. Switch parties.

I can already hear Nancy Pelosi clutching her pearls at this idea. If a Democrat in a competitive district wanted to switch parties, who could blame him at this point? Democrats keep finding ways to blame Republicans or the last administration for the current crises the United States and the world are facing, and at some point the blame game has to end.


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