Buzz Ballad: The Candy Ma'am

—apologies to Sammy Davis, Jr. and “The Candy Man”

All right, everybody—gather ’round! What kind of questions do you have?
The economy? Foreign policy? War on women?
You’ve come to the right place, because—I’m the Candy ma’am! 

Who can vet the questions?
Also moderate?
Who interrupts the challenger
So the incumbent will sound great?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

Who can take a strawman?
Let it burst to flame?
With enough smoke that
The President won’t face the blame?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

The Candy ma’am sat
In a “townhall” format
Filled up with Obama doters
Passed off as “undecided” voters
To ensure he would not make floaters

Who can fake a fact check
Designed to mislead?
To throw the President
A lifeline he’d sorely need?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

The Candy ma’am sat
In a “townhall” format
Filled up with Obama doters
Passed off as “undecided” voters
To ensure he would not make floaters

Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Who can fake a fact check
Designed to mislead?
To throw the President
A lifeline he’d sorely need?
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am can,
‘Cause she runs a stacked debate
And makes it all look good

The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am
The Candy ma’am…