The Google news feed dumped into my lap each day — which I admit I peruse, because following current events is my job and because I’m a compliant techno-slave — has been flooded of late with listicle-type articles along the lines of “Top 10 Healthiest Cereals.”
These lists, without fail, cite “nutritionists” who enumerate their favorite breakfast cereals and lament the “ultra-processed” label on the grounds that it’s racist because EBT poors need their cereal.
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Exhibit A, one of many of the genre that’s popped up recently: “Nutritionists Pick The Best (And Worst) Breakfast Cereals For Your Health,” via HuffPost (emphasis added):
According to RD Kelly Toups LeBlanc, the VP of Nutrition Programming at Oldways, not all ultra-processed foods are created equal. “Some ultra-processed foods, like whole grain breakfast cereals, contain important food groups recommended in the Dietary Guidelines for Americans. Other ultra-processed foods, like candy bars and soft drinks, do not.”
She takes issue with the way the NOVA [food classification] list categorizes foods, especially whole-grain cereals…
The truth is that whole grain cereals can be an important part of nutrition assistance programs, providing valuable nutrition to vulnerable populations. “In a 2023 study from the USDA, government scientists designed a nutritious seven-day, 2,000-calorie diet in which 91% of calories came from ultra-processed foods,” LeBlanc said.
What cereals make HuffPost's Top 10 list?
- Honey Nut Cheerios
- Frosted Mini-Wheats
- Fruit Loops
- Cinnamon Toast Crunch
- Lucky Charms
…All loaded with astronomical volumes of garbage, not just excessive sugar, packed into every bowl — BHT, tripotassium phosphate, food dyes, seed oils, the works.
Related: Are Cheerios Chemically Castrating the American Public?
Indulging in a bowl of Fruit Loops — I grew up on Fruit Loops, so I’m not holier than anyone — now and then probably isn’t going to do any serious harm.
Making it a breakfast staple, which these HuffPost “nutritionists” advise, definitely will.
On a hunch, I looked into sales figures for breakfast cereals, on the assumption that the industry might be feeling a little bit of a squeeze on its profits, which turned out to, apparently, be accurate.
Via The Takeout (emphasis added):
Sales of breakfast cereal have been falling for quite some time. Although the category actually experienced an uptick in popularity during the pandemic, it was a spike that didn't last: As the world shifts away from the pandemic-induced lifestyle of never leaving the house, people are opting for more on-the-go breakfast foods such as granola bars, protein shakes, or even fast food breakfast sandwiches. This might be why you're seeing Kellogg's just-add-water cereal popping up at convenience stores, positioning itself as a similarly portable option…
"In recent weeks, executives from Kellogg and Post both separately said that they expect the cereal industry to return to its prepandemic trend of gradual decline, with sales ranging from flat to down by a low single-digit percentage a year," WSJ reports.
Unless you’re a legacy media being spoon-fed “tips” from “nutritionists” flush with industry cash, cereal is a stupid and counterproductive way to start any day.
This is as much as a fact as any could be in the highly complex world of nutrition — which, for the record, I don’t have the hubris to claim to be an expert in. I just listen to them (like, real experts, not ones lying to children for Kellogg’s™ cash).
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No word yet on when blue jurisdictions are going to start subsidizing the industry for Equity™ or whatever. For sure, though, the food stamp peasants can still get all the General Mills™ slop they like; the lobbyists will see to that to keep the gravy train going as long as possible while they figure out what other slop they can peddle to the public.
