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The Greatest Story Ever Told (by Email)

AP Photo/Lefteris Pitarakis

Just imagine: you’re a hardworking, upstanding citizen of the Ivory Coast, living happily with your honest family, making an honest day’s wage. Then the Republican Forces of Ivory Coast savagely cut down your philanthropist warlord father and consign you to a life of hardship with your evil step-mother and uncle, who confiscate your father’s fortune — your birthright. Yet you persist in the pursuit of justice.

Such a story of human tragedy and perseverance — which totally wasn’t stolen from a Disney movie — was relayed to me, personally, in a heartbreaking email found in my inbox from the victim of such wicked machinations of graft.

Hello Dear Greetings to you.

I am Marosa Ibrahim Coulibaly from Ivory Coast, My parents have died; my uncle is threatening to kill me because of the inheritance my father left for me, My late father was a well known Ivory Coast militia leader, He died on Thursday 28 April 2011 following a fight with the Republican Forces of Ivory Coast (FRCI). I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother and my wicked uncle, you can read more about my late Father death through the below links:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/apr/28/ivory-coast-renegade-warlord-ibrahim-coulibaly

Opportunities for philanthropy of such a grand scale as this don’t present themselves every day.

Honest to goodness, having been reduced nearly to tears by the account of woe, I would have helped this downtrodden orphan for free, just because it would feed my soul to remedy the dirty deeds of her wicked uncle and stepmother. But she sweetened the opportunity even more, in a grand gesture of goodwill, with an offer of approximately $3 million if I would just help her with a few simple bank transfers.

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Continuing:

Please, I need your sincere help. I have ($14,500,000.00 United States dollars) fourteen million five hundred thousand US dollars which I inherited from my late father, but he deposited the funds into a fixed deposit account in one of the prime bank in Burkina Faso in agreement with the bank to transfer the fund to a foreign bank account for investment overseas, but he died without transferring the fund.

My late father use my name as his only daughter and only child for the next of kin when he deposited the fund and the fund can only be transferred to a foreign bank account, All I need is your honesty as my foreign Partner and to help me invest the fund in your country and also help me to further my education in your country.

Please, if you fully accept to help me towards this purpose, kindly indicate your interest by writing me back, then I will provide you with the needful information on how to proceed I will give you 20% of the total fund for your help, after the transfer. Thank you for your concern.

Best regards from Marosa Ibrahim Coulibaly.

Needless to say, with all due haste, I contacted Marosa with my eager acceptance to help her, a lost soul after my own heart, in the recovery of her treasure.

So here I sit, awaiting my payment of $3 million, which should be arriving at any moment now.

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