The Front Porch: Unexpected Company

It's 2 p.m., and I'm sitting with a couple of friends enjoying a glass of iced tea in our regular meeting place when a text from my husband comes in: an old battle buddy is in town from Quantico, and can we have him for dinner tonight? The answer we both knew before it even left my fingertips was "Absolutely!" 

Now, my friends were a little shocked that I stayed and finished our conversation, knowing I'd have someone I'd never met in my house in under four hours, but this is what we as a family do regularly. I'm going to give you five reasons hosting unexpected company is one of the most powerful things we as conservatives can do to promote our values.

Invitations matter

If you are invited, you are wholeheartedly welcome. No one wants someone knocking on their door and inviting themself in to sit at your table, just like we don't want folks crossing our borders with their hands out. It may seem like a stretch, but when you're raising future leaders, they need to see the importance of invitations early and often.

My kids love when people come over, even if they're adults and even if they've never met them. They know whoever is welcomed into our home is someone we know and trust, that they are safe, and it's always more fun than a normal Wednesday night. This mentality of hospitality will move with them into adulthood. When my kids are grown, they'll not only understand the importance of being invited, but they'll also see that hospitality is not a reason for stress. What starts at the dinner table lays the foundation of political views, leadership styles, and moral values.

This is also a tremendous opportunity to recognize and appreciate boundaries. It is okay to say no. It is okay to tell an uninvited guest that now is not a good time. My children are well-versed in knocking on a neighbor's door to ask if their friends can play and being told no. They are also practiced in telling those same friends that they have other things to do before they can have fun. 20 years from now, I want my children to have the fortitude and comfort to tell others no.

Generosity without expectation

My husband's friend expressed his gratitude to me directly, saying, "I was just thinking of grabbing a beer or something with your husband; I didn't expect such a wonderful meal in your home!" If that is what the men wanted to do, they would have been more than welcome to do it, but there is something lovely in sharing a meal for both the host and the guest: unbridled generosity.

This does not mean breaking the budget or even a sweat to provide some kind of feast. We only opened the door, added another place setting, and offered what we had to another. My original dinner plan was meatballs over spaghetti squash and a salad. My husband did not expect me to change the menu. The Marine did not expect a five-course meal. I did not expect my guest to offer to pay for his share. 

As conservatives, we don't expect someone else to do what is our job — we don't expect anyone to bail us out, and we take responsibility for our roles in society. In the immortal words of Vanilla Ice, "if there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it." (It's okay, I rolled my eyes a little, too.) We work hard for what we have, and we will gladly share whatever it is with those who are invited because it's the American way.

Building community

While "it takes a village" holds enough truth, I don't like how the phrase was co-opted by Hillary Clinton, so I've resorted to "building community." I have learned over the last dozen years of this Marine Corps life that it is remarkable to have a network of people all over the globe. Whenever my husband travels, I know there are people who will open their homes and schedules to him. Friends from California to Virginia have given my children and me a comfortable place to sleep as we drive from here to wherever. These relationships might be low-maintenance, but they still require work.

This phenomenon is not limited to the military — subdivisions, towns, apartment complexes, and RV parks are all primed for true community. Having the neighbor you can call when you're out of town to grab the package that was delivered, knowing the retired nurse around the corner who can tell you if something needs stitches, and not having to wait until Sunday morning to lean on a church friend when you're in crisis make for stronger communities.

Stronger communities lead to safer neighborhoods, wider networks, and amplified voices. Moreover, interacting with people of various backgrounds, educations, opinions, and ages helps us to become better versions of ourselves. Proverbs 27:17 states, "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." Track back to expectations and recall that, in times of need, conservatives rarely wait for someone to save them because we're already saving each other.

Raising children with manners

My children know when guests come into our home that they are to approach, look them in the eyes, introduce themselves without mumbling, and offer their hand. This is not negotiable. On the occasion of shyness, we will help them fulfill the expectation, but we will not excuse rudeness or avoidance. This practice will only take root with repetition.

Hank is 8 and already a pro. Even though I did have to remind him to put a shirt on (no, not a clean shirt — just a shirt), he understood his duty to greet his father's friend and set an example for his 6-year-old sister, Julianna. He helps clear the table of empty dishes and loads the dishwasher without being asked. I am not saying this to brag but simply to prove children want to please their parents and, when they have clear expectations, it is easy to do so.

Jules prefers to bookend the experience with cleaning before anyone arrives and serving dessert. She puts everything on the table and counters away before actually cleaning it and lives for the praise that comes with anyone recognizing the scent of Pledge. Watching her present the dessert to our guests and asking if they would care for any is a point of pride for me. She can be shy, but this girl loves her sweets, so she lights up when talking about the strawberry shortcake we picked up from Ms. Marlene at the bakery. 

These are the kinds of people I'd want to hire if I had a restaurant, and I'm not just saying that because they're mine. As conservatives who celebrate independent, motivated, and competent adults, we are acutely aware that they don't come that way because they are made that way as kids.

Building trust in marriage

This might be the most unexpected yet understated benefit of hosting last-minute company: it builds trust in marriage. My husband would not have asked me to host his friend if he did not trust I could do it well. I would not have allowed a stranger in my home with my children if I did not trust my husband's judgment. That is the first and most obvious layer of this section.

On a deeper level, I trust my husband to speak well of our children and me in front of others, just as he trusts me to manage bedtime logistics so he can catch up with the man he hasn't seen since after Fallujah. If we do not trust each other to lift each other up in front of others or to acknowledge the importance of how we spend time with those in our sphere, hosting at any level does not work. 

If you want to strengthen your marriage, have people over regularly; direct, as well as indirect, communication and appreciation will improve if you do. As pro-marriage and pro-family conservatives, setting an extra place at the dinner table every couple of weeks is healthy, so get out there and invite a friend to dinner.

Last-minute menu

Spaghetti squash can be a little strange to some folks, so I opted instead for a bag of tiny potatoes. Meatballs and potatoes didn't sound quite right to me, so I decided to make a meatloaf instead. I grabbed a salad kit, a bottle of wine, and a pre-made bakery dessert. Here's how I put it together:

While Julianna cleaned, I whisked my meatloaf binder in a mixing bowl:

• 2 eggs
• 2 palmfuls of breadcrumbs
• 1 palmful Italian seasoning (no salt)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 4 shakes of Worcestershire sauce
• 1 squirt of tomato paste
• A splash of whole milk

Let the mix sit for a few minutes while you put everything away so the breadcrumbs can soak up the liquid. For the meat, I like half a pound per adult to make sure there is enough (and Marines can eat a lot), and leftover meatloaf is amazing. I used two pounds of meatloaf mix; the combination of beef, veal, and pork is right on the money for fat content and flavor, but whatever ground meat you prefer works. Mix until combined.

Preheat your oven to 400 and make sure your cast iron skillet is in there too. When you put the meat mixture into the skillet, a healthy sizzle sound means the bottom is searing, and that is what is going to keep the loaf from sitting in the fat, resulting in a soggy bottom. Shape the meat into a circle, then depress the middle to make a little crater. Bake at 400 for 25 minutes or until the internal temperature reaches 165, spooning off the liquid in the crater after 15 minutes.

*Note: A hot skillet also means you're cooking from the bottom up, so it cuts down on time spent in the oven.

There's a lot of debate about sauce and meatloaf. Is it ketchup? Is it hot sauce? Gravy? Tomato sauce, but sweet or savory? Now it's time for y'all to tell me — what goes on your meatloaf? Do you make it and, if so, how? I'll go first: Whataburger Spicy Ketchup all day, every day on my meatloaf. I grew up with ketchup as the staple, and my beloved Texas Treasure made it top-notch!

P.S. My guest last night admitted to loving meatloaf and went so far as to say he knew mine was good because he didn't want to put any sauce on it! If "no sauce" is a satisfactory answer for a United States Marine, I'll accept it from you, too.