The Klave-o-Matic Fair Share Calculator!

Thought you might enjoy the opening from one of my podcasts last week, in case you missed it:

Folks, if you’re like me, you have some serious problems. Being like me, for instance, would be one of them. But also, you probably find that whenever a Democrat politician appears before you at a rally or on your television set — or in the horrific nightmares that haunt your tortured soul in the sweat-stained watches of the hellish darkness — he or she is always telling you that you have to pay your fairshare.

And I know what you’re wondering. You’re wondering: Gee, Democrat politician, what is my fair share? Fair share of what? What’s fair about it? And how can I figure out the exact amount?

Well, wonder no more. Today, exclusively here at the Daily Wire, we are offering the Klave-o-Matic Fair Share Calculator, especially designed to answer the question: What is my fair share?

For instance, say you want to know: What is my fair share of your college tuition? Just enter the answers to these three simple questions into the Klave-o-matic Fair Share Calculator.

Did I have any role in conceiving you?
Did my wife give birth to you?
Do you have my last name?

When you’re finished, superimpose your answers on one another until you have one big N. O. Now remove the N. If what you’re left with looks like a tremendous zero, that’s my fair share of your tuition. Enter that amount into your files… and then buzz off and stop bothering people.

The Klave-o-matic Fair Share Calculator works equally well with other calculations such as:

“What is my fair share of your health expenses?”

“What is my fair share of your child care?” and

“What is my fair share of your cost of living?”

Using the handy-dandy Klave-o-matic Fair Share Calculator you can answer these questions almost instantly, leaving you plenty of time to go out and start looking for a job. So you can pay your fair share. Of your stuff. Which means paying for all of it. Like I do with mine.

Yes, the Klave-o-Matic Fair Share calculator – order today to find out how much I owe. And when I say “0” – that’s how much.

For more, listen here.