My 3 Replacements for the 10 Macho Movies List

It’s the end of the summer, I’m about to leave on vacation, I’m under several deadlines at once, so I think I’ll spend these last few blogging days with briefer posts — though I will try to address the really important issues of the day.

For instance, the ten macho films every man must see. This is a Popular Mechanics list I found through the never-ending miracle of Instapundit. And not a bad list either. It actually does include several films that you must see if you’re a man and which, if you haven’t seen them, you’re probably not. Not that there’s anything wrong with not being a man, you understand. Unless, of course, you are one. Then you should be. But if you’re not, feel free to wear perfume and walk around in high heels. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. As long as you’re not a man. If you are, don’t.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the Pop Mech list isn’t bad. But it includes a couple that I really have to question. Possibly with a truncheon. I mean, The Wrath of Khan? Get a grip. Stone Cold? I don’t know, bro. And while I’ll accept Machete as macho despite its absurd politics, if you don’t want to watch it because of that, you definitely get a man pass.

To replace those three?

Well, you have to have a John Wayne film in there, for one thing. That’s a law. I’d pick The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance which, as a historical aside, includes the line, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend,” which went on to become the business model of the New York Times. But I’d also settle for The Quiet Man, for concluding with one of the longest fistfights in screen history (though I think the one in The Spoilers is longer). Then there’s Road House, if only for the line “Pain don’t hurt,” and the scene where Swayze rips a guy’s esophagus out with his bare hand. And finally, I would go with Goodfellas, not as great a mob movie as The Godfather, but the only film I can think of that celebrates the joy of being a totally abusive, amoral, violent, and corrupt SOB, which is every man’s secret fantasy. It’s not? Uh oh.