US Military 1 — Occupy Movement 0

The "Occupy" movement claims to represent 99% of the people (hence their motto, "We Are the 99%").

The US military stands for everything the Occupiers oppose; it is after all the force which imposes the evils of capitalism on the nation and the world.

Wouldn't it be interesting if, as an experiment, we arranged to have the Occupy movement and the US military each hold events in the same city on the same day -- and then see which one drew more visitors? If the Occupiers truly represented the 99%, and if the military really were the musclemen for the corporations, then it'd be no contest -- right? And what if we even held the competition in the nation's most left-leaning city, just to give the Occupiers home field advantage?

Well, we don't have to imagine any of this, because it happened yesterday, in San Francisco. The "Occupy SF" protest group held yet another shindig in front of the Federal Reserve Bank on Market Street. And as luck would have it, San Francisco was at the same time hosting "Fleet Week," an annual celebration of all things military and patriotic, including performances by the Blue Angels, the US Navy's aerobatic team. Since the "Occupy SF" group was having a protest at the exact same moment as the Blue Angels show, this would be a perfect test case: Which is more popular?

It's 2pm on Saturday, October 8, 2011: Let the showdown begin!

We start our duel at the Occupy SF encampment on Market Street, where the "greeter" stood stark naked with a sign welcoming visitors to the occupation.

Lest we ever forget how significant and popular they are, a row of Occupiers held up signs reminding everybody that they represent the views of 99% of Americans.

Important questions were asked -- such as "My Mom has lupus...Why can't she have an American dream?" Indeed. Powerful stuff.

Love and bloodshed,

Love and bloodshed,

Go together

until corporate greed's dead.

This I tell you brother,

You can't have one without the other.

Moms of America: If your daughter got sick, would you prefer that she visit a licensed physician, or instead curl up in agony with a shaved head and a sleeping kitten on a urine-soaked sidewalk in the "Occupy SF Infirmary"?

Wait — there's a good way to be smelly? I'm so behind the times.

Only at a San Francisco protest could there be a freak so freaky that even the naked guy would look at him aghast.

As usual, the deep-seated fundamental schizophrenia of the "Occupy" movement was on full display: Half the protesters were of an anarchist bent who wanted to "decentralize everything"...

...while the other half had a communist bent, declaring "Marx was right" that we should have a state-controlled economy — in other words, the belief that we should "centralize everything."

Centralize, decentralize — it's all good!

The usual political remoras came along for the ride: Anonymous wannabes, whom I like to call "Wannanymous"...

...the so-far-right-that-they're-far-left anti-Fed conspiracy theorists of Alex Jones' Infowars...

...and, no, it simply couldn't be -- the last Coffee Party member in the country! I thought they went extinct!

Weirder still, standing right behind her was Barack Obama, half-heartedly disguised in an SF Giants cap, trying to see for himself what these Occupiers are all about.