It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn once more that TikTok kills brain cells, that you still shouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight, and what makes them say, "Gee, whiz!" in Minnesota.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man hurt, hit by truck while performing viral 'TikTok' roadside haircut stunt
I almost always feel like President Trump should have banned TikTok — Chinese spyware masquerading as a social media platform — just as soon as Congress gave him the legal authority.
But then I read a story like this one, and figure TikTok is perhaps the best inducement yet for dillholes to make themselves into Darwin Award contenders:
An 18-year-old man was seriously hurt when he was hit by a truck while allegedly getting a haircut while seated in the middle of the roadway in Ocala, allegedly part of a viral "TikTok" trend, according to the Ocala Police Department.
Police later arrested the man and two others for violating a city ordinance.
But wait, there's more: "Police stated a traffic crash nearby caused a Chevrolet 3500 pickup truck to veer toward the median. According to officers, Florida Dillhole #2 and Florida Dillhole #3 ran out of the way, but the truck hit Florida Dillhole #1 from behind because his back was turned to traffic."
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Vehicular Madness, Face/Neck Tattoos, Hold My Beer, Instant Karma, Dillhole (times three!), Glamor Mugshot (times three!) (10)
TOTAL: 10 FMF Points.
It'll Buff Out
Florida Man hits water main, apartment building attempting to flee from HCSO deputies
Ever have one of those days when you crash into a street sign, a water main, a police cruiser, and an apartment building?
No?
Just Florida Man then:
At 10:46 a.m., HCSO deputies attempted a traffic stop on a silver Nissan near North 56th Street and Puritan Road in Tampa.
The sheriff’s office said that the driver, identified as 41-year-old Florida Man., reversed the Nissan into a deputy’s vehicle before hitting a street sign and a City of Tampa water pipe as he attempted to flee.
Markes then drove onto a sidewalk at an apartment complex off of Heather Lyn Court and struck a building before exiting the vehicle and fleeing on foot, deputies reported.
Apparently it didn't take long to catch him and make the arrest. But it must have taken forever to write up all the paperwork for "aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer with a deadly weapon, felony fleeing to elude, resisting an officer without violence, leaving the scene of a crash with property damage, and driving while his license is suspended or revoked."
SCORE: Police Chase, Vehicular Madness, Suspended/No License, Surveillance Video, Police Bodycam, Resisting Arrest, Fleeing the Scene, Hide & Seek, Should Have Taken the L. (9)
RUNNING TOTAL: 19 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Hello, Universe? We're Here.
'Way to Go, Polk County!'
A Very Polk County Story
Once again, just let Sheriff Grady Judd do his thing.
SCORE: Burned by Grady, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Drugs/Alcohol, ICEd, Tactical Gear (times two!), Walmart/Target/Dollar General, Instant Karma, Glamor Mugshot, a Bonus Point to each of the two armed Florida Men for being there (and being armed) when it mattered, and one more Bonus Point to Judd for being so enthusiastic about his constituents' right to carry. (12)
RUNNING TOTAL: 31 FMF Points
Am I too generous this week with the bonus points?
Naaaaah.
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Man says he’ll admit to murder in exchange for Philly Cheesesteak
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man threatens to shoot deputies, bites K-9 while hiding in palm fronds
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you're minding your own business prowling around some neighborhood in your pickup maybe looking for something to get into that you probably shouldn't get into which is when one of the locals must've called the police because they show up in their cruiser and walk up to your window and they're all like "what are you doing around here" and "did you know there's an arrest warrant out on you" and you're all like "that's cool but I've got a gun and I'd rather die than get out of the truck" and they're all like "just put up your hands we don't want anybody getting hurt" which is when you hit the gas and take off and you end up at this boat ramp with nowhere left to drive so you take off on foot into these palm fronds but they find you real quick and send the K-9 after you but you turn the tables and bite the dog which didn't matter because they still got the cuffs on you and you never even really had a gun?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Police Chase, Likely Story, Good Dog, Vehicular Madness, Water Hazard, Assaulting a Cop, Resisting Arrest, Hide & Seek, Should Have Taken the L, Outstanding Warrant(s), I Just Seriously Don't Understand People Sometimes, a Demerit for biting a dog, and a Bonus Point for actually doing the Man Bites Dog thing. (13)
RUNNING TOTAL: 44 FMF Points.
The K-9 is fine, by the way.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Jacksonville firefighter helps victims after deadly Spain train crash
Terrible train wreck in Spain earlier this week that involved a lot more death than I like to get into on Florida Man Friday. But since Florida Firefighter and his wife were in Spain for a wedding and on board during the crash, something just had to happen:
According to Jacksonville Fire Rescue Department, firefighter Josue Garcia-Otero and his wife, Diamary, a nurse, were among those aboard the train traveling with six other relatives on a family trip following a wedding when the collision occurred. After reaching safety, the pair turned their attention to helping critically injured passengers.
"We got to safety first, then began treating other patients that were critically injured," Garcia-Otero said in a news release, reported Times-Union news partner First Coast News. "My wife is a nurse, and she was helping too."
...
"Josue had every reason to focus on his own family and nothing more," Golden said in the news release. "Instead, once they were safe, he and his wife went to work. That just goes to show the caliber of first responders they are," he added.
Indeed.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, You Can Take the Hero Man Out of Florida..., Vehicular Madness, Returning to the Scene. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 50 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: Meet the World's Worst Best Bank Robber
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
He did it. That crazy SOB finally did. He broke the 50-point barrier and established a record-high PERFECT 10 average for the week.
Doubters said it couldn't be done, Florida Man, but I always knew you had it in you.
Meanwhile, in Minnesota...
Whizzing college professor pees on student's backpack, found to be campus's mystery serial sprinkler: records https://t.co/UAvjrPVMfy
— New York Post (@nypost) October 12, 2026
This just goes to show that my dad was right all those years ago when he told me never to trust a guy wearing a bright orange shirt and electric-green bowtie.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
