It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn how to earn an F for Effort, the worst place to shoot a man, and how they serve time in style in the Great White North.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Masked Florida Man accused of bizarre bank robberies
You know the drill: Florida Man's car is so packed full of drugs and illegal firearms that he's practically a cartel, but then drives 117 MPH past a school with a busted taillight and no tags while tossing doughnuts out the window at a passing cop car, then wonders how he got caught.
But not this time.
Florida Man had his bank-robbing spree all figured out.
He disguised himself as an old man from head to toe, including face prosthetics. He drove up to a nearby gas station with a bike in his car, then rode his bike the final stretch to the bank. Once there, he demanded money with no dye packs, fled on the bike, and then went home in his car. He even spray-painted the top of his white car black to fool surveillance cameras.
I'm not sure how that last part worked, but police say it did.
Florida Man robbed two banks this way — the perfect crime!
Except for the getting busted after the second attempt. Because despite the disguise, the camouflage, the dual escape vehicles... they were onto him after the first robbery — surveillance cams tracked the whole escape — and got a warrant after the second one.
USAO officials said law enforcement searched Florida Man's house, uncovering the following items that appeared similar to those linked to the robberies:
A bicycle
A blue suit
A black bag
Materials covered in black spray paint
A receipt for clothing bought the day before the second robbery
Police also found the mask, the glasses, the work gloves, fake handgun, and — this is my favorite detail — his private journal titled, “God’s Best friend is a Bank Robber! Uncle Henry Cops and Robbers the world through the eyes of a Bank Robber.”
Plus: "At the time of the robberies, Florida Man was on supervised release for a 2018 federal conviction stemming from five bank robberies he had committed in Texas back in 2016."
So smart. So stupid.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Surveillance Video, You Fled on THAT?, Criminal Mastermind, Getting Caught Stupidly, Probation Violation, Master of Disguise, Recidivism, F for Effort (new!). (8)
TOTAL: 8 FMF Points.
Happy Birthday?
Florida Woman accused of shooting man in the groin after he allegedly punched her mother
I have some seriously mixed feelings about this one.
On the one hand, you have a woman with the neck tattoos and practiced mugshot gaze of a career troublemaker who shot a guy in the groin at a family birthday party.
On the other hand, apparently he hit her mother.
I can, however, say that I unequivocally enjoyed this line: "According to the affidavit, officers found a 47-year-old man suffering from a gunshot wound to the groin. He was airlifted to a hospital for treatment."
"Suffering from a gunshot wound to the groin" sounds redundant, but at least they gave him the courtesy of an airlift.
Don't punch moms. Particularly not the moms of women with neck tattoos and practiced mugshot gazes.
SCORE: Domestic Bliss, Class Act, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Face/Neck Tattoos, Instant Karma, Glamor Mugshot, Dude You OK? (7)
RUNNING TOTAL: 15 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: So Who's Winning the AI Arms Race?
'Jesus Don't Like You Stealing Angels'
Sheriff Grady Judd is at it again. Just hit Play and enjoy.
SCORE: Burned by Grady, Likely Story, Trespassing, Caught on Video, The Elderly, Getting Caught Stupidly, Glamor Mugshot, a Demerit for stealing an angel, and a Bonus Point to Judd for "Jesus don't like you stealing angels." (9)
RUNNING TOTAL: 24 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Police Officer found dead man, impersonated him for years and renovated his home
You can get your home renovated for free, but there's a catch.
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man extracted from vehicle filled with marijuana smoke
You know what I hate?
You know how boring it is when you're a 31-year-old living with your dad in The Villages so maybe sometimes you get in the car and smoke so much weed that you're pretty much doing the Cheech & Chong thing from Up in Smoke and you're not even sure where you're going so you see this other car that looks like they might know where they're going which is why you follow them around for a few miles and end up at this gas station or at least you're pretty sure it's a gas station because honestly it's hard to see through all the smoke but you sure could tell when the cops show up which is when you decide to leave but you kinda forget to make a full stop at the gas station exit which is when the cops turn their flashers on so you figure you'd better stop but then you're all like nah you'd better let the smoke clear so you turn on your hazards and hit the gas and you're cruising along doing the speed limit and hoping the smoke clears but this other cop car shows up and blocks you so you finally stop and the cops haul you out of the car and they're all like "this guy has a blank stare and incoherent speech and confusing behavior" and you're all like "gubbawubbawubba" which is how you ended up in jail.
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: The Villages, Police Chase (O.J. Speed), Drugs/Alcohol, Vehicular Madness, Resisting Arrest, Should Have Taken the L, Convenience/Liquor Store, Impersonation (of either Cheech or Chong), Dillhole, Glamor Mugshot. (10)
RUNNING TOTAL: 34 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Florida Guard Soldiers rescue family during Hurricane Isaias response
I've had this tab open since last week, and it's time to give these Guard members their due for rescuing a family from a sinking pickup truck:
At first, they believed the truck had been abandoned following Hurricane Isaias, until they saw an arm waving from the window. Headquarters and Headquarters Battery’s Staff Sgt. Jordan Blair, Sgt. Jonathan Russell, and Staff Sgt. Jose Collazo, all air and missile defense crewmembers, and Spc. Tanner Norris, a signal operations support specialist, were the first to stop. Joining them were Delta Battery’s Sgt. David Vrban, Spc. Adrian Hamilton, Sgt. Terrance Martin, all wheeled-vehicle mechanics, and Sgt. Patrick O’Berry, a utilities equipment repairer.
As Blair called 911, the other Soldiers worked together and rushed to free the family from the sinking pickup. “We didn’t have to talk about it; it just happened,” said O’Berry. While one Soldier pulled the driver through a broken window, Russell braced his feet against the truck and forced a door open as Hamilton tried to stabilize the vehicle from the rear bumper. Within a few minutes, the team safely brought the driver, his wife, teenage son, and mother-in-law ashore.
This is one of those stories where you might want to click through and read the whole thing.
Impressive work, all around, from citizen-soldiers doing their best during some of Florida's worst.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, Vehicular Madness, Water Hazard, Really Bad Weather. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 40 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: The (Almost) All U-Haul Edition
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a total of 40 points for a respectable average of eight FMF points.
Meanwhile, in Canada...
JUST IN: Inmate at Canada's highest-security prison reportedly had McDonald's chicken nuggets, fries, & alcohol delivered directly to his cell window by drone, prompting an investigation.
— Polymarket (@Polymarket) October 21, 2026
All of us here at Florida Man Friday salute you, Canada Inmate.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
Florida Man Friday
P.S. Don't miss Five O'Clock Somewhere with Stephen Kruiser, Yours Truly, and some Jennifer or other at 4 p.m. Eastern today. There will be day drinking.
