It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn the proper caliber for shooting up an Uber vehicle, how not to become a TikTok star, and why Wyoming really is the Cowboy State.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Rioter convicted for carrying Pelosi's podium seeks Florida county office
Pelosi Podium Guy is running for office.
I don't often get excited about anybody running for any office, particularly not when they're running for something local, nowhere near me.
And yet I'm about to send Florida Man a small donation:
A Florida man who grabbed then-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's podium and posed for photographs with it during the U.S. Capitol riot is running for county office.
Adam Johnson filed to run as a Republican for an at-large seat on the Manatee County Commission on Tuesday. That was the fifth anniversary of the Jan. 6 riot, where he was photographed smiling and waving as he carried Pelosi's podium after the pro-Trump mob's attack on Jan. 6, 2021.
Johnson told WWSB-TV that it was “not a coincidence” that he filed for office on Jan. 6, saying “it's definitely good for getting the buzz out there.” His campaign logo is an outline of the viral photograph of him carrying the podium.
Good luck, Adam.
Now if we could just get Viking Helmet Guy to run for Congress...
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Went Viral, Entrepreneurship, and I know this is usually reserved for the Hero story at the end, I just have to do three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness.
TOTAL: 5 FMF Points.
Let me close today's lead FMF story by saying, "LOOK, I KNOW IT'S A FREAKING LECTERN AND NOT A PODIUM, SO TALK TO THE PEOPLE AT THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ABOUT IT, NOT ME."
Thanks, I feel better now.
Clickbait Rollback
Florida Man arrested after trying TikTok challenge inside Walmart
There's this social media challenge — and apparently it isn't even new — where for whatever reason you're supposed to try and spend the night at Walmart.
An 18-year-old Florida man was arrested after deputies said he tried to stay overnight inside a Walmart as part of a TikTok challenge.
The Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded just after 11 p.m. Tuesday to a reported burglary at the Walmart on McCall Road.
The caller reported to 911 that a man was still inside after the store closed and was streaming live on TikTok.
Florida Man made it all of 45 minutes into his overnight stay before getting arrested.
But here's the kicker: our TikTok star wannabe apparently forgot to bring his iPhone charger and had to steal one from the Walmart's electronics department.
That made me have a thought.
I hate it when that happens.
Anyway, we need a new word to cover millions of males who have reached legal adulthood, but whose brains aren't fully formed, because "man" just doesn't quite work to cover that 18-25 age range when so many males are more than kids but less than men.
So I present my latest addition to the English language, just for those 18-25-year-old males who, like me at that age, shouldn't be let out in public.
And that word is "Dillhole."
You're welcome, America.
SCORE: Went Viral (failed attempt), Hide & Seek, Way to Take the L, Getting Caught Stupidly, Walmart/Target/Dollar General, Dillhole (new!). (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 11 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: One Thousand, Four Hundred, and Eighteen Days
Everybody Needs a Hobby
Florida Woman discovers ex-boyfriend’s bomb-making materials while kicking him out of her house
You know how, when you're cleaning up your ex's stuff and find his bomb-making gear?
No?
Just Florida Woman then:
According to documents, she began to remove his things from the home on Mayfield Drive in Venice when she found some items that he was working on in the garage that weren’t quite right.
She told investigators that she had pulled those items out to the driveway, and then called the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office.
Sergeant Edward Hyde, assigned to the SCSO Hazardous Devices Unit, responded to the home on Mayfield Drive.
Deputies said they saw coolers and contained industrial-grade chemicals along with printed material with labels such as "The Chemistry of Powder & Explosives" and "Home Workshop Explosives by Uncle Fester."
Who says people don't read anymore?
Also, I was kidding about the "Just Florida Woman" part. By the time I was 11, my favorite toys were Strike Anywhere matches and Ronsonol. By age 15, when I got sent off to military school, I'd graduated to more interesting items. Lord only knows what my grandparents found when I left.
Still, nothing like this:
Based on the materials recovered, and the devices created and in the process of being made on site, a warrant was issued for the arrest of Florida Man for the charges of possession and attempting to make an explosive device and possessing explosives without a license.
Florida Man was arrested on January 9 on those charges.
He is being held under $1,000,000 bond on each count.
That's a lot.
SCORE: Domestic Bliss, You Hid It WHERE?, WTF Were You Even THINKING? (3)
RUNNING TOTAL: 14 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Woman accused of throwing collard greens and threatening victims with skillet
Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Man gets Uber pickup from Disney World, shoots at driver 7 times
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you need a ride home from Disney World kinda late at night so you call for one of those Ubers but by the time the Uber guy gets there you're kinda hungry so you ask if he can stop at this Denny's you know's along the way and the driver seems pretty cool and agrees and it's pretty chill when you get to the Denny's but maybe too chill because it takes like half an hour just to get a Berry Stuffed French Toast Slam which you really gotta try sometime I swear but when you get back to the Uber the driver is all like "Do you think you could give me a bigger tip?" for waiting so long and he's all upset even though he's not the one looking at ice-cold eggs for dinner so you tell him no and he stops and tells you to get out of the car when all you ever did was cuss him out and spit in his face so as the Uber guy drives off you pull out your pistol and fire seven shots at him but some neighbors called the cops for whatever reason and later they come and arrest you so you're sitting there in jail without even a Berry Stuffed French Toast Slam with cold eggs?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Vehicular Madness, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Drive-Thru Mayhem, Should Have Taken the L, Probation Violation, Recidivism, Theme Park. (7)
RUNNING TOTAL: 21 FMF Points.
Bzzzt.
Belay that order. I just remembered that when the police collected seven 40-caliber shell casings near the scene, they also found seven 40-caliber bullet holes in the back of the Uber car. Fortunately, nobody was hurt, but I have to award Florida Man a Bonus Point for marksmanship on a moving vehicle.
REVISED RUNNING TOTAL: 22 FMF Points.
One last thing before we get to this week's Hero item. I could just paste the YouTube URL into the Maybe He Didn't Know That Was Wrong item, but I don't. Every week, I go to YouTube, click on my search history, select "Costanza Wrong," and watch the clip.
Every. Single. Week.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Hero stops traffic to rescue toddlers wandering alone on busy Florida road
Just watch the clip; it's less than a minute long. All I could think of were the toddlers' parents, who must have felt all kinds of horrified at leaving the gate open, but also thankful for Florida's own John Brittingham for saving the kids.
P.S. There's another Florida hero story that's just too tragic to share on Florida Man Friday. So let me just say that Crystal's bravery and selflessness did not go unnoticed here.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, Dashcam, Breakout. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 28 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: That's a Gun in His Bra AND He's Happy to See You
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
The score came back down to Earth this week with five scored stories with a total of 27 points for a once-respectable average of 5.6, but now makes me wonder if Florida Persons had an off week.
Nah — those were solid stories, just slightly lower scores.
Meanwhile, in Wyoming...
When a police officer ran into some playground equipment while trying to catch a suspected impaired driver in a Riverton foot chase on New Year’s Eve, a local man felt badly, retrieved his rope and lassoed the suspect himself.https://t.co/1dpHhNTSrz
— Cowboy State Daily (@daily_cowboy) January 2, 2026
More:
When a police officer ran into some playground equipment while trying to catch a suspected impaired driver in a Riverton foot chase on New Year’s Eve, a local man felt badly, retrieved his rope and lassoed the suspect himself.
That’s according to Lander Police Department Chief Kelly Waugh, who told Cowboy State Daily on Friday that he went to thank the man after the incident, and learned he was a champion roper.
Well, he certainly is now.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
