I have yet another idea about how to save our Republic — and before we even get started, you're welcome.
Every elected official — from my small-town mayor to the President of the United States — should be issued a seriously cool-looking sword. Sharp, too.
Higher-level appointees from White House cabinet officers down to that slow-moving jerk at the County Clerk's office would each be issued a sword of their own.
Anybody running an HOA would get one, too, despite the risks.
The more important the office, the shinier and fancier the sword. I figure by the time we get up to, say, the Speaker of the House, they'd get a sword so bejeweled that Inigo Montoya's father would be embarrassed to craft it.
But, man, would the thin-skinned attention whores who crave authority love carrying those things around.
You think I'm being silly. I'm not.
How our betters behave when carrying their swords would teach us valuable lessons about them. I imagine a guy like Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) would look a little sheepish carrying one, and that would make me like him even more.
Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), fond as she is of drink on occasion, would probably have a few too many one Friday afternoon, lunge her sword at a staffer who displeased her, but end up falling down and cutting herself. And that would make me like her even more, too.
A blowhard like John Kerry you can easily picture demanding a better table at some fancy restaurant, brandishing his sword at the maître d', and shouting, "Do you know who I am?" And then the maître d' — played in my brain by Christoph Waltz — would drolly reply, "Yes, we know exactly who you are now, sir."
The benefits are endless, once you start imagining all they could be.
The biggest benefit would be the restoration of accountability our Republic desperately needs if it is to survive. When public officials were found to be corrupt, cheats, or just plain awful human beings, we used to hound them out of public life. Now we give them seven-figure book deals and cushy part-time gigs on MSNBC. I think the entire network is staffed by people too stupid and corrupt to keep jobs with either Barack Obama or Joe Biden.
That's got to stop. We need to bring back the fine and ancient custom of having our betters fall on their swords rather than continue befouling our Republic.
Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin conveniently forgets to tell his commander-in-chief that he'll be out of the office for a while with cancer? Forget BS excuses like him "instituting a 30-day review" to figure out how he might not to do that anymore. Austin will just have to fall on his sword.
Your county sheriff got caught in bed with a live boy or a dead girl, but the next election is still three years away? Forget that messy recall election. Sheriff Skeevy will just have to fall on his sword.
A California congresscritter with a security clearance and a choice intel committee assignment got caught repeatedly dipping his wick in a Chinese spy with a name so unlikely that Ian Flemming himself wouldn't use it for a Bond girl? Congressman Swalwell, that sword isn't going to blood itself, so let's get hopping.
Longtime Sharp VodkaPundit Readers™ might recognize this as a fancier version of my alternative to term limits, the Take An Oath of Office, Lose a Finger Amendment — and you'd be right.
But I ask, why think small? Let's do both.
For the Republic.
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