A New York City Amazon driver was making his rounds last week when a drunk, naked asylum seeker moved to attack him.
“I was unloading my stuff, and a guy – he was like a pervert, he had his penis out,” the driver, who asked that he only be identified as Abu, told the New York Post on Monday. “He’s in the corner of the street j–king off," as one does, "and he ran towards me like he was going to aggressively hit me."
“So what I did was I looked towards the floor and I saw a big snow pile,” he said. “I picked up a piece and I socked him with it and he went down on his butt.”
This might be where the story ended except this is post-Giuliani New York, where the weird never ends.
Before we get to that, understand that naked things happen in the big city.
On a workday morning back in '93, I was walking through the San Francisco Tenderloin to catch a Geary Line bus when an attractive young woman walked past me. Her eyes were wide, not quite focused, and seeing things that only she could see. The young lady also happened to be mostly topless and sporting one of the finest sets of natural C-cups I'd ever seen.
I remember them it like it was yesterday.
Monday, I came across a 2018 Hollywood Reporter interview with director Philip Kaufman on the anniversary of his classic 1978 remake of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Kaufman told his own Tenderloin naked man story with an oh-so-Hollywood twist:
When we were shooting that scene with Kevin McCarthy we were in the Tenderloin, and it’s a very rough area, and we were very cautious about how to deal with the players in that area. There was this naked guy who was just hovering around the set, and then he was lying there with his head on the curb just off-camera. Nobody wanted to disturb him. As we were rehearsing, Kevin came crashing into the windshield, and the guy said, ‘Hey, wait a second!’ We all looked — we didn’t know if he was dangerous or what — and he said to Kevin, ‘What are you guys doing here, Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Weren’t you in the first?’ And Kevin said, ‘Yeah.’ And the guy said, ‘That was the better one.’ We were in the middle of shooting the film and we got our first review!”
As Longtime Sharp VodkaPundit Readers™ know, it's hardly a Florida Man Friday without at least one incident involving public nudity, almost always combined with drugs, alcohol, and probably stealing stuff.
With all that in mind, you might wonder what's so weird about an Amazon driver fending off a drunk, naked migrant with a snowball — but it was the Amazon driver who got arrested, I kid thee not.
Abu — and this part is on him — saw some nearby cops and thought they could be of assistance. They surely were, albeit to 26-year-old Yeison Sanchez, the drunk migrant.
Police arrested Abu and charged him with third-degree assault after Sanchez claimed that Abu had punched him in the face because taking the word of a drunk guy masturbating in public over a delivery guy making his rounds is the only sensible course of action in a place as crazy as New York City.
You'll be relieved to learn, however, that whatever persecutions he endured in his home country, Sanchez has been granted asylum from his pants.
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