"I had no idea the shape of my dinner table reinforced the patriarchy, helpful female decorator of color. Please, take my money." That's the lead crazy on today's Insanity Wrap, an entire week's worth of the best bad news.
Plus:
- Orwell predicted the best little whorehouse in D.C.
- Xi's gotta have Gavin Newsom.
- Welcome to the real world, Gen Z, now quit yer bitchin.'
Before we get to today's big story, here's a short video to make you lose whatever little faith you might still have in humanity.
How Long Can You Stand to Watch?
The circle of life can be summed up like this: you’re born, you work, pay taxes and then die.
— Dr. Jebra Faushay (@JebraFaushay) November 12, 2023
Following generations repeat the process. This girl gets it. pic.twitter.com/ReKTY65ofy
In this week's "How Long Can You Stand to Watch?" challenge, I made it to the third "Huh!" before closing the tab with extreme prejudice. If "Huh!" is her entire argument against adulthood, I think we grownups are safe.
How long did you last?
It's Time to Decolonize Your House, Racist
I know what keeps you up at night, gentle reader, those dark thoughts that bring the night sweats, set your heart to racing, and then go on to haunt even the daylight hours."Have I done enough to decolonize my home?"
No, of course you haven't.
I share your concerns, brother. And sister. And gender-fluid non-binary readers of Architectural Digest, where the haunting worry is whether all spaces "function as places for restoration, remembrance, and resistance."
Even the john? I'd rather not engage in much remembrance in there and certainly experience no resistance.
When I pause to consider Architectural Digest, I think about the copies my mom would sometimes keep, filled with loving photographs of gorgeous (and gorgeously decorated) homes owned by the super-rich. But now the magazine is apparently more about questions like, "Everyone is fully aware that the landscape of the field needs to change, but what about rebuilding the foundation?"
"We cannot turn away from the fact that many of the structures we hold up as examples, like Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello, were instruments of oppression, rape, and forced labor, and that even what we think of as neutral models, in whatever style, were the built affirmation of wealth built on violence."
So that's another damn thing we're supposed to worry about, that my exurban Colorado home was built on violence. Actually, when I consider some of the repairs and upgrades we've been forced to make, I sometimes fantasize about visiting violence on the builder. But that's a story for another day.
"Although our homes serve as safe spaces for us to retreat from the chaos of the world," AD's Sydney Gore insists, "interiors are a direct reflection of our points of view."
I'm sure a high-priced decorator would insist that the LEGO-knockoff model of the Iowa-class battleship USS Missouri I display in my office is in bad taste, but only today did I learn that it is also symbolic of "the relationship between racism and public policy through the lens of the American legal system."
Do you have a portrait of Jesus somewhere in your house? Is he white? Is he male? Oh, you are in SO much trouble. And because those nasty Jews controlled the slave trade (Editor's note: They did not but that's still a favorite trope of the antisemites who make up so much of the whole DEI structure), that menorah needs to go before you can even begin to atone for your sins.
Mostly what I got from Gore's article is that you can purge your home of any vestigial colonialism simply by hiring a high-priced female interior decorator of color. One of them, Jacquelyn Ogorchukwu, is featured prominently in the article and explains "how something as simple as the style of a dining table can enforce certain ideas within a space—a circular table could symbolize more community-oriented values, while rectangular shapes might represent patriarchal ideals."
"I had no idea the shape of my dinner table reinforced the patriarchy, helpful female decorator of color. Please, take my money."
Ogorchukwu's fees are high but think of how much more rested you'll feel once your racist sofa has been thoroughly decolonized.
Previously On Insanity Wrap: Amateur Pr0n Star Goes Down in Virginia Election
Before We Continue, Here's a Short Video to Restore Your Faith in Everything...
Dogs will make your day better😍
— Bark And Laugh (@BarkAndLaugh) November 15, 2023
Are you a dog lover?🐶👇 pic.twitter.com/EZGN3L81oe
My day is better.
Best Little Whorehouse in D.C.
P.J. O'Rourke concluded in his excellent "Parliament of Whores" that “Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.”
But sometimes the whores are just whores, like at the D.C. brothel accused last week by the Justice Department of providing services to "politicians, military officers and government contractors."
As a frequently screwed constituent of the federal government, I'm happy to see someone else taking on my dirty work for me.
But the weirdest part of this story is that the O'Rourke quip wasn't the first famous quote that occurred to me when I read the headline about the D.C. brothel. Instead, I pictured the lobby of the brothel, filled with hookers and D.C. officials, and thought of Orwell.
"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."
Quote(s) of the Week
Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss totally, publicly contradicting and humiliating yourself.
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One More Thing...
I wish this country knew how to quit either one of them.
That's a Wrap for this week. Come back next week for another Insanity Wrap…
…assuming we make it that long.
