It only took a couple years of not doing much, but Presidentish Joe Biden has cured cancer. Maybe twice. That’s the big crazy on today’s Insanity Wrap — an entire week’s worth of nuttiness wrapped up in one easy-to-swallow medicated news capsule.
Plus:
- CNN does report on shoplifting, records live shoplifters.
- Find someone who loves you like Seattle loves Vladimir Lenin.
- I actually do like the Cone of Shame.
Before we get to today’s big story, here’s a short video to make you lose whatever little faith you might still have in humanity.
How Long Can You Stand to Watch?
Tiktoker has breakdown over doctor asking what sex she is. This is what gender ideology does to a person. pic.twitter.com/jTc7IdH8uu
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) July 24, 2023
In this week’s “How Long Can You Stand to Watch?” challenge, I really chickened out and only made it eight seconds before closing the tab with extreme prejudice.
How long did you last?
Exit Question: Isn’t this really a case of a person who’s run out of legitimate things to get worked up about?
Biden: ‘We Ended Cancer As We Know It’
I’ve been trying to write less about Presidentish Joe Biden, but some weeks that doddering kleptocrat just makes it impossible. I got sucked into the Swamp once more last night when I saw that Biden claimed to have “ended cancer as we know it.”
Newsweek’s Kaitlin Lewis leaped quickly into action, arguing that the White House transcript was correct, that Biden said “We can end cancer as we know it.” You see, what really happened is that Biden slurred “the words ‘can’ and ‘end’ together.”
It must be that mysterious late-onset stutter of his I keep reading about. Except that I’ve watched the clip multiple times and there’s no “C” at the beginning of Biden’s “slurred” words.
Does this mean that our increasingly senescent POTUS actually believes he’s ended cancer as we know it? Of course, it doesn’t mean that.
Er… at least I don’t think so.
The alleged commander-in-chief apparently cured himself of cancer last year, which he caught riding around in a car as a kid with oil slicks on the windshield. No, I’m not making this up. There’s video at the link but, for now, enjoy the VodkaPundit Quick & Dirty Transcript™:
My mother drove us and, rather than us be able to walk, and guess what? The first frost, you know what was happening? It had to put on your windshield wipers to get literally the oil slick off the window. That’s why I and so damn many other people I grew up with have cancer.
Republican or Democrat, black or white, rich or poor, I think we can all agree that carcinogenic frost-induced window oil slicks are the worst frost-induced window oil slicks.
Jokes aside, you re-read a statement like last year’s and it makes you wonder if maybe Biden didn’t misspeak on Tuesday. Biden’s context was all screwy — as it often is — but maybe he believed at that moment that his “cancer moonshot” had delivered on his 2020 campaign promises:
The Cancer Moonshot is mobilizing efforts toward achieving two clear goals that the President and First Lady set: To prevent more than 4 million cancer deaths by 2047 and to improve the experience of people who are touched by cancer.
We can make real progress toward ending cancer as we know it. It will take all of us doing our part. Join us.
Well, after hearing yesterday that Biden has indeed ended cancer as we know it, all I can say is: “Stand down, everybody. Joe’s got this.”
Next week: “Now that I’ve ended cancer, I’m gonna plug that gravity hole in the Indian Ocean.”
Previously On Insanity Wrap: A Los Angeles Police Union Official Says the Quiet Part Out Loud
Before We Continue, Here’s a Short Video to Restore Your Faith in Everything…
#Rottweiler gets a tiny puppy and doesn't know what to do with her until she teaches him how to play
together 💕#dogs #viral pic.twitter.com/78u2u9NE7B— ROTTWEILER LOVERS (@ROTTWEILERLOV12) July 24, 2023
Don’t you want to bring them both home and watch them play all the time?
Your Weekly Dose of Mandated Unity
My Family Was Hunted by Nazis. But I Was Fired For ‘Defending Hitler.’
David Josef Volodzko is one of those globe-trotting reporters whose byline has appeared above stories filed from China, Ukraine, South Korea, Mongolia, Southeast Asia, India, and more:
Perhaps the reason I am drawn to hard stories in far-flung places is because of my family background. After Vladimir Lenin turned Russia into one giant gulag, my family was scattered like leaves. My grandparents became refugees—they settled in Paterson, New Jersey—and for the rest of his life my grandfather sent boxes of whole cloth, candles, paper, and other essentials to his beloved family whom he could never see again.
When he settled down in Seattle to write for the Seattle Times, “the city felt like a great fit.”
But then Volodzko wrote a column about that local statue of Vladimir Lenin and that maybe the man who indulged in “secret police raids, mass torture, forced resettlements, and genocidal killings” shouldn’t be publicly celebrated.
Volodzko even compared Lenin to Hitler, arguing that Hitler was in one specific way less evil than Lenin, “because Hitler only targeted people he personally believed were harmful to society whereas Lenin targeted even those he himself didn’t believe were harmful in any way” but that “Hitler was more evil than Lenin if we’re looking at what they did to people.”
The outrage was so immediate and forceful that six days later, Volodzko was fired from the Seattle Times.
Here’s the kicker from Volodzko’s article: “I am a democratic socialist and my wife is a DEI trainer.”
Sorry, sir, but that’s no protection from the leftwing outrage mob who, at the very least, believe Lenin meant well. Others still revere the man who invented terrorism for the sake of terrorism.
Come to the dark side, David — we have cookies.
And freedom.
Your Weekly Dose of Mostly Peaceful Protest
A CNN crew visited the most shoplifted Walgreens in the US. The San Francisco store has to lock up ice cream & other low-value items. During the crew’s time there, they saw three shopliftings. pic.twitter.com/hctrL4Zkw9
— Andy Ngô 🏳️🌈 (@MrAndyNgo) July 26, 2023
Takeaway quote from the reporter: “Did that guy pay? Did that guy pay?”
P.S. She made an error at the end of her report. Violent crime has indeed dipped in San Francisco from the 2020-2022 spike, but property crime has NOT decreased. People and businesses have simply stopped reporting much of it because police can’t or won’t do anything about it.
Quote(s) of the Week
I remember when Tribe was such an intellectual force that even his opponents on the Right had to treat him with respect. Now not even his allies do, not really.
Recommended: The Five States Sending the Most High Earners to Florida All Have This One Thing in Common
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One More Thing…
Now we just need something to stop him from sniffing.
That’s a Wrap for this week.
Come back next week for another Insanity Wrap…
…assuming we make it that long.
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