Insanity Wrap needs to know: What happens when corporations pledge $300 million to woke causes?
Answer: They get their stores looted by woke rioters, anyway.
Before we get to the sordid details, a quick preview of today’s Wrap.
- Google shadowbans “riots today” search results
- Minneapolise body cam footage shows cop somehow mistakes pistol for Taser
- Who wore it better, Kid Cudi or Mick Jagger?
And so much more.
Shall we begin?
This Is Not a Sane World, Exhibit #1,000,006
You had one job, Google.
Just like Facebook’s job is supposed to be connecting us to our friends by showing us the content they most recently posted, and Twitter’s job is to bring out the absolute worst in people in the speediest manner possible, Google’s job is to present the most relevant results to your query.
Out of these three behemoths, it amuses Insanity Wrap to admit that only Twitter still does what it’s supposed to, but only because it’s so easy to be so awful on the internet.
Google grew rich because their secret sauce — their algorithm for delivering search results — was better than anything anyone else was doing in search.
Apparently being good at their job is no longer good enough.
Luke Rudkowski did a little compare and contrast on Monday between Google’s and DuckDuckGo’s (endorsed by Insanity Wrap!) results for “riots today.”
Insanity Wrap assumed that you’d get better results searching Google for “protests today,” and sure enough, we got much better results than Rudkowski did searching for riots.
Google is no longer in the business of returning the best search results. Now they’re in the business of maintaining the preferred narrative, in today’s case that a race-fuel riot is a peaceful protest.
Choose your search engine accordingly.
Did Insanity Wrap mention how much we like DuckDuckGo?
Your Daily Dose of Mostly Peaceful Protest
— Andy Ngô (@MrAndyNgo) April 13, 2021
That’s the shot.
Here’s the chaser, courtesy of Brooklyn Center Mayor Mike Elliott:
Earlier this evening I had the opportunity to go talk to these peaceful protesters. I assured them we are working collaboratively with all involved agencies & will get to the bottom of this. Our city is calm now, thank you all who came out to peacefully protest then went home pic.twitter.com/N8RCbf52C7
— Mayor Mike Elliott (@mayor_elliott) April 13, 2021
Get out of the cities while you still can, and Insanity Wrap isn’t just saying that so we can sell our house at an outrageous markup to some panicked city slicker before we move even further out into the sticks.
The Craziest Person in the World (Today)
Get woke, go broke:
Back in June of 2020, CEO Richard Johnson of Foot Locker penned a letter committing the company to $200M over the next five years to fight racial injustice. This news was perhaps lost on those who were looting Foot Locker’s stores on Sunday night.
“Several businesses around the Brooklyn Center Walmart are completely destroyed. Police rolled up and made some arrests as young men ran from buildings carrying stolen goods. Foot Locker, T Mobile, and a New York men’s clothing store all completely destroyed,” reads the tweet.
Today’s craziest person in the world is the same one Winston Churchill warned against 80-some years ago: “An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”
Maybe the next $300 million will get the job done, eh, Foot Locker and Walmart?
Recommended: Previously On Insanity Wrap: MSNBC’s Chris Hayes Hates Fans of Chris Hayes (Wouldn’t You?)
Your Daily Dose of Mandated Unity
“Deadliest catch, NASCAR, and country music baby! Gotta reach those white conservatives,” our friends at Not the Bee said.
We’re more the “enjoy a cocktail or three while listening to old Stan Getz samba records,” but we also (unlike Ms. Psaki) believe in Big Tent Conservativism.
There’s room for everyone in there, except for nannystaters and elected pickpockets.
Look around, and we think you’ll see that’s obvious.
It occurs to us that there are really only two kinds of people in this world: Progressives and people who see things as they actually are.
Insanity Wrap hopes that clears things up for Ms. Psaki.
And Now For a Brief Moment of Sanity
Today’s brief moment of sanity comes to us from … [checks notes]… Nancy Pelosi?
[faints, falls off chair]
[gets back up from under the desk]
Yes, from Nancy Pelosi.
Susan Page, USA Today’s Washington bureau chief, conducted 10 interviews with Speaker Pelosi for a biography, “Madam Speaker: Nancy Pelosi and the Lessons of Power,” that’s out April 20.
Pelosi unloads on the Squad, at one point adopting a child-like voice when discussing Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and offers the Squad this blunt advice: “You’re not a one-person show. This is the Congress of the United States.”
Pelosi here proves the old adage that a broken calendar is right once a year.
Please don’t ask Insanity Wrap how we broke a calendar.
Here’s Another Damn Thing We’re Supposed to Be Concerned About
MN police release bodycam footage of Daunte Wright being shot pic.twitter.com/Dl6VBKgNEj
— The Post Millennial (@TPostMillennial) April 12, 2021
Police training? It’s fine.
This deluded police officer — who Insanity Wrap fears was a diversity hire — has her pistol out and pointed at Duante Wright, shouting “Taser! Taser! Taser!” as though she thinks she’s holding a taser.
Then she pulled the trigger, and must have been surprised as hell when a bullet came out.
Wright was, at least according to his own social media accounts and his arrest record, doing all sorts of stupid things with his life.
Trying to flee the police was probably at the top of the list.
But a cop who draws her pistol and thinks it’s a taser right up until putting a bullet in someone?
Even allowing for the heat of the moment, what are we to do with that?
Your Daily Dose of Celebrity Nonsense
The frenzy around Kid Cudi performing on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live in a floral gown with a fitted bodice and spaghetti straps seals it: The dress is shaping up to be one of the defining menswear fashion silhouettes of 2021. If male-identifying celebrities have one fashion super-power, it’s that their wearing something amounts to both an endorsement and a permission slip. The more famous guys wear something, the easier it is for regular guys to try it. So every time another style icon—Harry Styles, Dan Levy, Jeremy O. Harris, and let’s not forget Young Thug all the way back in 2016—wears a silhouette borrowed from womenswear, it means many more young men are going to say yes to the dress.
This is from GQ, a magazine that was once for gentlemen. It also used to be quarterly — things change.
The first time Insanity Wrap remembers seeing Mick Jagger, it was a TV broadcast of him on stage wearing a dress. That was in the early ’70s, and we believe the clip wasn’t new even then.
Needless to say, after that, all the men started wearing dresses forever and ever, the end.
P.S. Cudi, We don’t know Mick Jagger. Mick Jagger is not a friend of ours. Nevertheless, we can say with confidence that you are no Mick Jagger.
One More Thing…
If you need us, we’ll be back under our desk, trying to pretend that it’s 1983 outside.
That’s a Wrap for today.
Come back tomorrow for another Insanity Wrap…
…assuming we make it that long.