Insanity Wrap needs to know: Will Presidentish Joe Biden throw the best-ever press conference since Barack Obama graced Washington with his presence, or will it be the best-best-ever because reasons?
Answer: Don’t worry your pretty little head over it — let the media make the call!
Before we get to the sordid details, a quick preview of today’s Wrap.
- Insurrection comes to Los Angeles
- A few unkind words of uncommon sense for soccer shill Megan Rapinoe
- Join us for a thrilling game of Gross Civic Pride
And so much more.
Shall we begin?
This Is Not a Sane World, Exhibit #1,000,006
Everyone is all so very, very excited that Gaffemaster Flunk is throwing his first unscripted conference for the doting press later today.
Insanity Wrap is so excited that we’re openly wondering if it’s possible to snort a Bloody Mary just to generate enough something to keep us going.
We expect that Biden’s presser will have all the gut-wrenching drama of two Bronies insisting that the other one take the bigger half of the cookie.
Remember Clint Eastwood mocking Barack Obama as an empty chair during his address to the Republican National Convention in 2012? Today ought to be like that, except with throngs “reporters” insisting that the chair isn’t empty.
Our friend and Townhall colleague Jazz Shaw wrote earlier:
Why is everyone acting as if this press conference, an event that should be as routine as the sun rising in the east during most administrations, is some sort of make-or-break moment that could leave Biden’s presidency on the ropes? The answer is obvious. It’s because Joe Biden and his handlers set themselves up for failure when it comes to their interactions with the media long before Uncle Joe was ever sworn into office.
Despite the hype and expectations by many of us on the right that Biden will literally (not figuratively) trip on his own tongue, Insanity Wrap is reasonably certain President Porchlight will do just fine.
As we saw during the debates last fall, even in his deteriorated condition, Biden can be pretty solid for up to an hour. If you’ll recall, however, he faded quickly in the last 30 minutes of each 90-minute debate.
There’s no way today’s press conference goes anything as long as a presidential debate.
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Having cleared the Low Bar of Expectations set by our infotainment industry, Presidentish Biden will be declared refit for office, along with squees of “ERMIGERD HE STILL ISN’T TRUMP!”
Unless he really does end up blowing it. The suspense is terrible; we hope it will last.
Your PJ Media crew (including Yours Truly) will liveblog the presser starting sometime before 1:15pm Eastern.
Your Daily Dose of Mostly Peaceful Protest
Overnight, #antifa & far-left groups in Los Angeles were responsible for preventing police from responding to a growing encampment at Echo Park. Using social media strategies popularized by Portland antifa, they called for comrades to swarm law enforcement.pic.twitter.com/7HNGRwLmDk
— Andy Ngô (@MrAndyNgo) March 25, 2021
You wanted an insurrection, Democrats — well, you’ve had several in your own cities for almost a year now.
Including the nation’s second-largest city. This isn’t Weird Portland the rest of the country can wave as, well, weird.
Care to do anything about that?
We thought not.
The Craziest Person in the World (Today)
Insanity Wrap has a simple question: What mayor in the actual hell does this?
Mayor Nikuyah Walker, apparently.
Insanity Wrap also has a simple game.
Let’s call it: Gross Civic Pride.
There are no winners — as Nikuyah Walker could certainly tell you — but the beauty is that you don’t have to be Mayor to play!
A few examples to get you started, starting with Insanity Wrap’s stomping ground:
- Colorado Springs: Such lovely views, but we programed the traffic lights to be the Deliverance of driving anywhere
- Chicago: Curb-Stomping Your Soul Since 1833
- Washington, D.C.: Take off and nuke the site from orbit — it’s the only way to be sure
You, gentle reader, may join in down in the comments.
Your Daily Dose of Mandated Unity
US Soccer's Megan Rapinoe at the White House:
"I've been disrespected and dismissed because I am a woman. I've been told that I don't deserve any more than less because I am a woman. Despite all the wins, I'm still paid less than men who do the same job that I do." pic.twitter.com/QC7N2g4OJp
— Daily Caller (@DailyCaller) March 24, 2021
It is sometimes Insanity Wrap’s unpleasant job to make the obvious plain to the oblivious.
So listen up, Megan Rapinoe.
Your job is not to play soccer.
Soccer is merely the means through which you perform your actual job.
Your actual job is to sell tickets, concessions, branded clothing and trinkets, and most of all, TV commercials.
By that measure, Megan, you aren’t nearly as good at your job as Lionel Messi is at his.
So you make less money because you sell less stuff when you kick the ball around.
Just to show you there are no hard feelings, Megan, Insanity Wrap is in a similar business.
Our job isn’t to write; our job is to sell internet ads. Writing is merely the way we go about it.
Megan, by your logic Insanity Wrap should be paid as much as anyone else who sells internet ads by putting words on a virtual page.
While we would really enjoy making as much money as, say, Google, you also won’t find us making an ass of ourselves on national TV by insisting on it.
Thanks for letting us take a moment of your day, Megan, and we hope this helped.
And Now For a Brief Moment of Sanity
It isn’t often that Insanity Wrap takes a step back and says “Wow,” but we just did:
The left-wing host said Tuesday all Americans were at imminent risk of death during a partisan screed calling for more gun control.
“Every single one of us is just playing the odds at this point. The odds that in a country of 325 million souls that we won’t be the ones who get hit by the next bullets that start flying. We won’t be the one that gets that phone call about someone you love who did. That phone call that changes your life,” Lemon said as CNN’s on-screen graphic matched his spoken words.
“But with every deadly shooting in this country, the odds get worse and worse. Are you really willing to keep playing those odds? Haven’t we learned after this year of pandemic, a year of loss of life, isolation, mass death of nearly 550,000 Americans that life is just that precious? If not now, when? When will we ever learn? I don’t want to have to say those words again,” Lemon said as he took long, drawn-out pauses between words for dramatic effect.
Former CNN digital producer Steve Krakauer took notice and called for his former employer to “step in” to make Lemon stop spouting “dangerous” rhetoric.
But do give Lemon his due.
With Trump gone, scaremongering is the only thing CNN has left.
Correction: Scaremongering was the only thing CNN had while Trump was president, too — they just had a juicier subject for it.
So if it isn’t Trump, it’s got to be something, and Lemon is one of the best at beating CNN’s one-trick pony.
One More Thing…
The problem isn’t that a Grimma Wormtongue has Joe Biden’s ear.
The problem isn’t that a half-dozen or so commie Grimma Wormtongues have Joe Biden’s ear.
That’s a Wrap for today.
Come back tomorrow for another Insanity Wrap…
…assuming we make it that long.
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