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More Than 250 Authors, Agents Compare Trump to 'Son of Sam' Killer

Official White House Photo by Tia Dufour

Bestselling author and soon-to-be-former President Donald J. Trump is about to become the publishing world’s most famous unperson if a group of industry insiders get their way.

In an open letter ambitiously titled “No Book Deals for Traitors,” more than 250 authors, editors, publishers, and agents claim that they are “tired of the industry we love enriching the monsters among us” and will therefore they “will do whatever is in our power to stop” Trump’s memoirs from being published.

Going further, the authors apparently don’t want any of the “pretty sketchy people” who staffed the Trump administration to get book deals either because “participation in the administration of Donald Trump must be considered a uniquely mitigating criterion for publishing house.”

That sounds so cereal, as my wife Melissa says about things that aren’t at all serious.

What crimes did Trump and his administration commit that were so heinous that they should be pre-emptively censored even without a conviction?

According to the letter’s signatories, Trump and/or his people:

  • Caged children
  • Performed involuntary surgeries on captive women
  • Scoffed at science

The first item was a policy begun out of desperate necessity under the Obama administration, which actually incentivized parents (or Lord-only-knows-who-else) sending their children in waves across the border.

The second item is out of Xi’s playbook, not Trump’s, as the ongoing ethnic cleansing of China’s Uighurs continues to pick up steam.

“Scoffing at science” is not a crime. Scoffing at public-policy scientists who got — and oftentimes continue to get — virtually everything wrong…

…well, that scoffing ought to be actively encouraged.

But signatories weren’t done there. They also insist that “no one who incited, suborned, instigated, or otherwise supported the January 6, 2021 coup attempt should have their philosophies remunerated and disseminated through our beloved publishing houses.”

There was no coup attempt. A few senators and congresscritters followed precedent, procedure, and the law in objecting to the Electoral College votes of a handful of swing states. There they were rudely interrupted by a group of rioters who invaded the Capitol Building after splitting off from the peaceful protest Trump had called for.

We’re not sure which one of the signatories actually wrote this letter, but you can be fairly certain that they’re recent winners of the prestigious Tiny Literally House No One Ever Heard Of Before’s coveted Gold Medal Award for Overly Turgid Prose.

But wait, as the TV commercial announcer says, there’s more.

“Son of Sam” laws exist to prevent criminals from benefiting financially from writing about their crimes. In that spirit, those who enabled, promulgated, and covered up crimes against the American people should not be enriched through the coffers of publishing.

David Berkowitz, aka “Son of Sam” and “The .44 Caliber Killer” murdered six and wounded ten more during his 1976-77 New York City murder spree.

While the list of those dead on his watch pales in comparison to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s, the signatories of “No Book Deals for Traitors” didn’t find room to mention whether Cuomo’s book deal (or Emmy award) ought to be squashed.

But wherever Berkowitz and Cuomo fall on the spectrum of death between “intentional manslaughter” and “psychotic killer,” no one has credibly accused Trump or any member of his administration of anything like murder.

Everything in this letter is nothing but the worst kind of Fake News, meant to infuriate and obfuscate, all with the goal of silencing the signatories’ political opponenents.

In short, if held to their own imaginary standards, everyone who affixed their signature to “No Book Deals for Traitors” ought to be driven out of the very industry their purport to defend.