VodkaPundit

News You Can Use

50 SHADES

Firefighters don’t just put out fires. They rescue cats from tall trees, they give safety lessons to school children, and sometimes they use hydraulic cutting equipment to remove penis rings.

They expect to be doing more along the lines of that last item following the release of 50 Shades of Grey to movie screens:

Firefighters today warned the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey film could cause a spike in callouts from over-zealous lovers having bondage mishaps.

The London Fire Brigade said it is called at least once every day to “compromising” situations – including stubborn penis rings and a man with his genitals stuck in a vacuum cleaner.

In one instance in November last year the brigade was called by doctors to King’s College Hospital to help remove two steel rings which had been stuck on his penis for three days.

Firefighters were eventually able to remove them using hydraulic cutting equipment after the unfortunate incident.

You know you’re not supposed to…

…actually, knock yourself out and enjoy all the kinky thrills you like. But you might want to try not involving the local fire department.