Too Stupid to Rob Banks

I wish I were kidding:

The words on his robbery note were spelled incorrectly, authorities said, and he was unable to articulate his demands. So the confused teller at the downtown Washington bank turned the man away, saying she couldn’t help.

The FBI says the man didn’t fare much better at a second bank three blocks away. There, authorities said, it took the teller a few moments to realize that the man standing at her window April 1 was not a customer.

“Oh my God, are we getting robbed?” the teller said, according to an affidavit filed in federal court. She alerted security and the man fled. D.C. police said officers quickly arrested a 20-year-old suspect a block away.

Fat, drunk, and too stupid for stickups is no way to go through life, son.