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News You Can Use

Imaginary critter experts have sequenced three separate samples of Sasquatch DNA. Seriously:

Individuals at 34 different research sites in 14 U.S. states and two Canadian provinces submitted samples for the study, with the results being published in the journal DeNovo Journal of Science.

Dr Ketchum, whose work includes nearly 30 years in genetic research and forensics, said that the findings definitively prove the existence of a surviving Bigfoot in North America.

Speaking about what the next step should be following the findings, Dr Ketchum said she would like to see the creatures have "the same protections as any other human."

The scientist said the legendary beings should have "the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of their own happiness, meaning that they be left alone and not put under a microscope, not hunted, not harassed, not chased through the woods – leave them alone.

"They’ve existed for thousands of years this way and don’t need habitats set aside. They’ve lived under our noses all this time," she added.

The rest of us should be so lucky.

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Bigfoot seen here with OSI officer Colonel Steve Austin.