Glenn Reynolds recently said that Heart’s Crazy On You “is without a doubt the best Cold War-inspired song about oral sex ever.” And how are you going to argue with that? See, people come to the blogosphere because we’re willing to tackle the bold issues that the Mainstream Media dare not touch.
And so VodkaPundit presents…
The Unusual Categories Music Awards
Best Breakup Song: It’s Too Late by Carol King (“Tapestry,” 1971). Spare, perfect, devastating. It’s obvious that King honed her songwriting skills at ABC’s old Brill Building — nobody ever trained’em better than the Brill. Check out this sample lyric:
It used to be so easy living here with you
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool
That’s the second verse in its entirety. King took all of 33 words to tell you everything you need to know. Also, It’s Too Late has that really nice sax solo from all the other singer/songwriter hits of the early ‘70s.
Best Sinatra Album Almost Nobody Seems to Even Know About Except for Me: “Sinatra & Sextet: Live In Paris” (1962). Sinatra was the guy in front of the big, big band — the swing crooner. He left the jazzy stuff to Tony Bennett. Well, not this time. On tour through Europe with a six-piece jazz combo, Sinatra put the swing aside one summer and turned out some of his best performances. Listen to his best-ever recording of One For My Baby, where Frank bends more notes than Salvador Dali during his sheet music period. Great stuff.
Best Album You Ever Once Owned a Cassingle From But The Full CD Is Now Out of Print So You’ll Have to Buy It On EBay Like I Did: Michael Penn’s “March” (1989). Maybe you used to own the single of the hit song No Myth. Never has sarcasm ever sounded so catchy. The rest of the album is even better. Find a copy today.
Funkiest Song About Killing Yourself: Woke Up This Morning by A3 (“Exile On Coldharbour Lane,” 1997). You probably know this one from the opening credits of The Sopranos. Listening to that edit, I always assumed the song was about a tough guy with a gun. Which is a pretty safe assumption, given that the lyric repeats “woke up this morning/got yourself a gun” about a dozen times. Listen to the full version, however, and you’ll hear a song about a guy at the end of his rope, looking at his gun at the bleakest hour of the day — to a really wicked bass line.
Best Song Performance Cut From an Unwatchable Movie: You’re The Boss by Elvis Presley and Ann-Margret (“Viva Las Vegas,” 1964). Don’t laugh:
Ann-Margret in shiny short-shorts, giving her sultry best to a virtual Dom/sub duet? C’mon, that’s the kind of thing people live and die for, or ought to.
I’ll post five more, as soon as they occur to me. Meanwhile, I’m accepting ideas for Unusual Categories below in the comments. And to be clear, I’m taking suggestions for categories — not for nominees.