50 Things al Qaeda Hates about America

Freedom of speech

Unhindered scientific inquiry

Recent advances in airline security

Your lewd women

Illegal detentions of Muslims by John Ashcroft's Justice Department

Worshipping false idols not punishable by death

Most citizens uninformed about Allah's mercy and justice

The 82nd Airborne Division

McRibs actually contain small amount of real pork

Cities full of clean-shaven pretty boys

The seduction of youth by Demi Moore

Louis Farrakhan's geeky little bowties make us look bad

Trampy "Sex in the City" girls won't stick around for a seventh season

On pilot school admission essay question, spelling counts

Can no one make Al Franken shut up?

Snooty Holiday Inn clerks can always tell when you ordered porn

The Arabic dub of "Jakob the Liar" just didn't do it justice

No international shipping for "Coed Naked Volleyball" t-shirts

That "camel jockey" thing turns out to be an insult

A lap dance is still 20 bucks, even when the song is short

Unable to find decent falafel anywhere in Oklahoma

"The Matrix Reloaded" just leaves you hanging

Lambskin condoms not actually for lambs

All those Wilfred Brimley ads on Fox News Channel

Infidels who say "irregardless" when it's just "regardless," damnit

There will be no forgiveness for the "Bobby dreamed it all" season of Dallas

Reliable and affordable breast reduction surgery

Still can't get the original Star Wars on DVD

Miami chicks don't dig unibrows

American convenience stores don't carry anything for burqa rash

Your Brad Pitt makes us feel all funny inside

You ever seen how many dials and doodads there are in a 737 cockpit?

So-called "Sea Monkeys" really just brine shrimp

Widely-held belief that Siegfried & Roy are gay

Having to constantly explain to people that "Sha Na Na" isn't an Arab band

Sneers for not always following the U-after-Q rule

Loud rock'n'roll music intrudes on peaceful ululating

Racism towards Arabs becomes obvious when caught giggling at the Holocaust Museum

We thought a "B-52 strike" meant no more awful singing from Fred Schneider

Not one Arab on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"

Suspicious looks when loading a van full of manure and diesel oil

American harlots never buy that "big beard" myth

You people been real touchy the last couple years

Have you seen the price of gas in New York?

Brother Achmed found Florida ballot most confusing

Couldn't get "The Producers" tickets in time to see Broderick & Lane

That Ten Commandments judge in Alabama is some kind of religious nut

Smartass web pundits with their useless lists

Denise Richards hasn't returned any of our calls

You bastards fight back