An Important Message Before Mom Gets Into Town

Attention, Colorado owners of Volvos, minivans, and domestic family sedans.

Read this from Mike Hendrix:

If you’ve been cruising blithely along in the left (or center, on a three-lane highway) lane for a half-hour or so, please consider moving the fuck over, you selfish ass-pirate. “I pay taxes and I’ll drive wherever I want.” Well, fuck you, Einstein. This is illegal in most states, although many states don’t really enforce it much. Trucks usually can’t use the left lane on three-laners, which makes the center lane our passing lane, and the truck-lane restrictions ARE usually enforced – probably due to the fact that the fine for any ticket for a big rig is automatically double what it is for cars in most states. You’ll often see a truck jump over to the left lane in frustration after being trapped behind some semi-conscious droolcase doing the speed limit or below up and down hill after hill after hill. He’s risking a hefty fine, but he’s fed up enough to take the chance. Those “slower traffic keep right” signs were put there for more than just your reading enjoyment.


The man in the rig might accidentally kill you, but the man in the silver Sebring ragtop might follow you home and hurt you with sandpaper for many, many days on end.

You people are like hall monitors from high school — self-righteously gunking up the works while stooling for the guards. You are making a bad traffic situation much, much worse. You are the cause of road rage and accidents, not, as you seem to think, serenity and safety.

The passing lane is for passing, you ignorant schmuck. If you aren’t passing, then pull the hell over. You say you call it the fast lane, instead? Fine — if you see someone on your rear bumper, you’re not going fast enough for the fast lane. So pull the hell over.

Drive as if you care about actually getting where you’re going. And if you don’t care, or you can’t find the accelerator (that’s the “gas pedal,” idiot) with both feet, then pull the hell over.

Get it?


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