The PJ Tatler

The Greatest Threat to Space Exploration: Manifest Failure

Welcome to Generation Whatever. Forget Kirk versus Picard. There’s a new Captain in town named Barack and his bidding with the final frontier is finally coming to fruition. Sure, we can explore Mars, but why even bother? We’ll just screw that up, too:

The white, male European conquerors of the New World and 19th-century American pioneers of Manifest Destiny still colour the space age, so is it a myth that we’ll turn nice on Mars? …destiny is rarely great for the people already at the destination. When Africans moved north to colonise Europe they obliterated the Neanderthals. When Europeans seized the New World, its cultures were virtually extinguished. Luckily the only population on Mars that we know of is a handful of rovers, but no doubt we’ll start a war anyway, before dragging them into some form of slavery or oppression. It’s just what we do.

So, NASA, how’s that “cheer up Muslims by reminding them of their math skills” working out for you? You’d better enjoy being the glorified therapy agency of choice for the Islamic world, because that’s your only job security going forward. You stink at everything else by virtue of your implied white, male colonialist ethos. And for those of you drawing your astronomical inspiration from the sci-fi world, you’re just a bunch of pervs:

Women in space-colony fiction have generally been presented as sexy walking vaginas, whose main purpose is to provide the male astronauts with a place to dock their penis at night. This being necessary in order to “ensure the survival of the species”.

Fiction proves it. Pulp fiction, actually, and quotes from Russian scientists – yes, Russia, the folks who gave us Sputnik, socialism and the lingering iron claw of the KGB. Let’s definitely base our theories about humanity on those guys. Space dudes? All pervy Putins deep down inside.

The prime reason why progressive ideology stinks? It’s as regressive as human nature can possibly get, believing fervently in the inevitable failure of humankind at every turn. Only progressives could turn manifest destiny into manifest failure.