The PJ Tatler

Your Business Leaves Cash on the Table Every Day That You Don't Do This One Simple Thing

What if you could make one simple decision, a minor change in personnel policy, that would, according to one top expert, “pay great returns,” and make your workers happier? You’d do it in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you?

You’re always looking for a way to invest your business capital to maximize returns, and you’ve overlooked this simple adjustment — a change you could implement today.

Here is the direct quote from top expert Valerie Jarrett, about this technique:

But we also know what a good investment in our workforce it would be if they had paid leave, and that investment will pay great returns.

That’s right, President Obama’s adviser, Valerie Jarrett, recommends that you give paid leave to every mother of a newborn. At this point, you’re smiting your own forehead, and wondering how you missed this ROI opportunity, aren’t you? Talk about “things I didn’t learn in business school”! Yes, that’s right, by paying people to stay away from their jobs, your business can harvest “great returns.”

President Obama went even further in a CNN interview, noting that in 1998, when Malia was born, he took a month off. In addition to the “precious memories” he garnered from the paternal bonding time, the people of his Illinois state Senate district undoubtedly felt the surge in productivity from their senator.

Barack Obama with daughter Malia in 1998

President Obama shown with his infant daughter during his monthlong hiatus from the Illinois state Senate, a leave of absence that must have measurably increased his productivity.

If paid leave for the mother of a newborn can goose the bottom line, paid leave for the baby Daddy should double, at least, the “great returns” you’ll reap.

Some critics slam the president as out-of-touch with working Americans and ignorant of what it takes to run a business. Certainly this news will stop the mouths of those cynics, while it lines the pockets of the one-percenters (AKA small business owners) who choose to grant paid leave to parents of newborns.

Only the ignorance among businesspeople of the “great returns” available from such policies has prevented them from cashing in until now.

But don’t worry, you won’t be left out of this investment opportunity, because President Obama wants to make sure you experience those “great returns,” by mandating that you pay parents of newborns to go home for weeks of generating “precious memories.”