The PJ Tatler

Democrat Candidate Seeks Communications Director. Republican Sends Him an Epic Application Letter.

Democrat Sean Eldridge is running for the House in New York’s 9th District, against Republican Rep. Chris Gibson. Eldridge has spent nearly a million dollars of his own money and his campaign has been plagued with problems. Of course, he’s also one of those liberals who decry the pernicious influence of money in politics. He’s fine with using his own money, which mostly comes from his wife, the Facebook co-founder Chris Hughes — it’s Republican money that he has a problem with.

Eldridge is now seeking a new communications director who will be tasked with righting a sinking ship. He posted the job notice online, which isn’t how campaigns typically hire staff. That’s usually done through political networking. Rookie mistake.

Ian Prior has written himself into the history books with this reply to Eldridge’s job notice.

Dear Sean,

I am writing to apply for the recently posted position of “Communications Director –  Sean Eldridge for Congress.”

I know that we have had our differences, but I really think I could help out Eldridge for Congress as your Communication Director. As you probably know, I have a very firm understanding of your campaign strategy of (1) self-funding your campaign account with your $700 million fortune, and (2) trying to buy friends and headlines by utilizing your Hudson River Ventures Super PAC, also funded with your $700 million fortune.

I am confident that my aggressive approach and willingness to actually speak to reporters will greatly help your cause. Moreover, my skills and experience certainly line up with what you are seeking in a Communications Director and I could provide to you the perspective of someone who has not been aiming for a Congressional seat since the age of 15, as you have.

Should you choose to hire me, I would advise that you do a few things. First, unlock your campaign doors. While I understand that you may be concerned about volunteers stealing your Cartier watch or other valuable items, this makes you look like an out-of-touch aristocrat.

Second, stop buying so many houses. While most people struggle to pay a rent or a mortgage, you are dropping $5 million for a house here, $2 million for a house there, etc. If you must buy another house, can you get something a little less expensive? Maybe something without an Infinity pool?

Third, stop talking about campaign finance reform. You have spent a million dollars of your own money on your campaign and have spent far more than that through your Hudson River Ventures Super PAC. You also just rejected an offer from your opponent to cap spending in your race. So the more you talk about campaign finance the more you look like a phony. Stop. Please!

We can certainly talk more about some other strategies that would make you seem more likable and less like the hypocrite that you are. I can forward my resume, references, and salary request on demand and look forward to speaking with you soon.

 

Sincerely,

 

Ian Prior

Northeast Regional Press Secretary

National Republican Congressional Committee

Office: 202-646-6419

Cell: 617-584-3345

Twitter: @iprior1177