C. Danger? A. Weiner!

So I’m off the site for all of a day, and it turns out to be the day that Anthony Weiner gets caught twicking again. And it was National Hot Dog Day too? Really?

And then it turns out that A. Weiner went by the name “Carlos Danger” when he was twicking. And he was doing all of this all through the time his wife Huma Abedin (her name sounds like Who’m I A-Beddin’?) was pregnant? To one woman, he offered a Politico blog panel as a booby prize. Can the man charm ’em, or can he charm ’em? Who needs diamonds when you have Politico wrapped around your…finger?

Thank you, thank you, News Gods, for this one. I hate you. Not for the story, which is wildly hilarious, but for dropping it when I was trying to take a balmy summer day off. A blogger can’t catch a break.

So they held a press conference together, C. Danger/A. Weiner and Who’m I A-Beddin’. I ask you, does this look like a couple in love or what?

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Carlos and Who’m-I? are standing a foot apart at the start, as if he expects someone to reprise Andrew Breitbart’s role two years ago. She doesn’t even seem really surprised or angry to be standing there next to him talking about his online joy — two years after it cost him his seat in Congress. He talks, she talks, she goes on about campaigning with him. In churches. When she riffs about it being the first time she’s spoken in a press conference, she shyly smiles like she’s winning a pageant.

Weird.

Then she reads some stuff.

The fact that Huma was Hillary Clinton’s body woman for years before marrying A. Weiner just adds to the weird. There’s a marriage worth patterning one’s own after…

This guy doesn’t seem real. He seems real dangerous, and highly calculating, devious to a pure bore fault, but not real. “Carlos Danger” seems more real than Anthony Weiner.

Figuring Huma out could fill up volumes. Her biography is, to put it mildly, unusual. Her family is full of Muslim Brotherhood connections, but (or maybe “and” is more appropriate) she has risen to hold and wield serious power in the American government behind the scenes. Not elected power, but personal power. Connections. Influence behind thrones and future thrones. Former Clinton White House intern. Tight with the woman many believe/suspect/fear/are downright terrified will become president. Married to what was once a rising star in the Democrat Party, now revealed to be a man addicted to a whole lotta things — money, power, danger, sending pics of his member around to women on Twitter — but who doesn’t appear to be capable of that human thing called remorse. He didn’t seem remorseful two years ago. He doesn’t come off as remorseful now. He asks forgiveness only because he craves power and must have it.

Yet there she is. Smiling. Saying that she still believes in him. The twicking dweeb keeps the knockout, for whatever reason.

Weird.

Yet so far, New York sees no danger in A. Weiner. Maybe the city deserves him.

Title concept shamelessly borrowed from Matt DeLuca.