The PJ Tatler

You'll Be Shocked to Learn that there May Be Something Amiss, Possibly Even Corrupt, Going On in Nigeria

It’s not an email claiming to be the sent by the prince of Nigeria, in need of your assistance to transfer his massive funds out of the country via your bank account. If you’ll only give him your bank account number, he’ll give you a cut of his loot.

It’s a pair of soccer games that ended with, well, totally unbelievable final scores.

Plateau United Feeders were 79-0 victors over Akurba FC while Police Machine FC demolished Bubayaro FC 67-0.

“It is unacceptable – a scandal of huge proportions,” said Muke Umeh, chairman of the Nigerian Football Federation (NFF) Organising Committee.

“The teams are suspended indefinitely, pending further sanctions.”

Plateau United Feeders and Police Machine went into the matches level on points, with promotion to the lowest tier of the Nationwide League Division at stake.

Feeders scored 72 of their goals in the second half, while Police Machine reportedly scored 61 times after the break in their game.

The results meant that Plateau edged above Police Machine on goal difference.

Which means that Plateau gets promoted to the next league up, and Police Machine — a great name for a cover band, by the way — doesn’t.

I guess the upside is that no one was decapitated as a result of either game. Well, yet.