According to His Official Biography, Kim Jong Il Was Full of Crap

US News has piece up on the five strange things you didn’t know about the deceased Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il. Betcha didn’t know that the 69-year-old’s supernatural powers included…not having to use the loo for the old number two.


According to his official biography, Kim Jong-Il was born on Mount Paekdu, the highest point on the Korean peninsula, under a double rainbow. The moment of his birth was foretold by the flight of a swallow and the appearance of a bright, new star in the sky. Three weeks later, Kim was able to walk. And, only five weeks after that, he began to speak.

That same biography also explained that the Supreme Commander never made a bowel movement.

That explains a lot, actually.

Kim also invented the hamburger and shot 38 under par the very first time he ever played golf. Yet even the Supreme Commander never thought to call his ascension the moment when the planet began to heal, while expressing his “profound humility.”


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