PRedictions, PRojections, PRaise, and PRedators: The Horrible, Awful Truth About the Easter Bunny

He’s a concept in search of a story.

Think about Santa: We know he’s married and lives in the North Pole. He somehow acquired magical, flying reindeer. (My theory: He eats the reindeer that can’t fly.) An army of elves makes toys for him, he rides in a sleigh, and he has a special list he reviews — not once, but twice. His M.O. for B&E is chimneys; his weakness is milk and cookies.

Even Santa’s side characters — like Rudolph and Frosty — have fascinating backstories: The former was mocked for his horrific birth defect; the latter came alive because of a magic hat.

What’s the Easter Bunny’s backstory?

It’s practically nonexistent. If it exists, I don’t know what it is. (Other than that lame attempt to retcon Peter Cottontail into the Easter Bunny.) I know more about the Coca-Cola Christmas polar bears than the backstory of the Easter Bunny: There’s a whole polar bear family, with a mama, papa, and baby!

But does anyone know if the Easter Bunny even has a family? I haven’t got a clue. His entire bio is a blank slate. 

And that’s strange, considering the importance of the holiday.

Honestly? It sounds like someone pitched a crazy impromptu concept in a marketing meeting:

Ad Executive: Alright, people! We need a new mascot for Easter ASAP. Something the kids will love as much as Santa. Remember, Easter’s themes are renewal, rebirth, love, and redemption. Gimme your best idea! New guy, you’re first! 

New Guy: Um, what if we had, like, a magic bunny? Cause kids love bunnies! And they love magic!

Ad Executive: Interesting. Go on.

New Guy: Okay, so this bunny is human-sized. When nobody’s looking, he hides eggs everywhere. Like, all over the backyard!

Ad Executives: Why does he do that?

New Guy: So kids will hunt them!

Ad Executive: Why doesn’t the bunny just give it to them? I mean, the Tooth Fairy leaves your money under your pillow so it’s easy to find — she doesn’t play games and make you search through leaves and stuff.

New Guy: Well…

Ad Executive: And how did he get all those eggs? Do they come out of his body? Is he an ovulating bunny? Or does he own a chicken farm, or something?

New Guy: They’re candy eggs. Obviously. Painted all the colors of the rainbow! Pink, blue, and yellow!

Ad Executive: Yeah?

New Guy: Yeah! Otherwise, it wouldn’t make any sense.

Ad Executive: I love it!

I dunno. To me, even the tiny “leprechaun” mascot for Saint Patrick’s Day — with his pot of gold, Lucky Charms cereal, ability to vanish, and Notre Dame football — is a FAR better-developed literary character than the Easter Bunny. Same goes for that mischievously chubby Cupid for Valentine’s Day: Cupid is a winged archer with magic arrows that makes you fall in love; the Easter Bunny has a basket of eggs. 

Advantage, Cupid.

Why are the mascots for saints so much more interesting than the mascot for the actual resurrection of Christ? Without the resurrection of Christ, there’d be no saints!

While writing this column, an idea occurred to me. I honestly don’t know if it’s morbid and inappropriate, or if it’s a REALLY great idea.

Why not have Easter egg hunts at cemeteries?

Seriously. I’m not trying to be creepy. Many cemeteries are beautifully manicured, filled with vast open spaces that are perfect for an Easter egg hunt — and just as importantly, it’s where our loved ones are buried. 

And we probably don’t visit them enough.

Given the themes of Easter, wouldn’t there be something deeply poetic about an Easter egg hunt at a cemetery? Families remembering yesterday’s loss while celebrating the joy of today and tomorrow?

I’ll betcha, if the deceased could speak, they wouldn’t find it disrespectful at all. The opposite is true: Their spirits would look forward to Easter each year — the one day on the calendar when their final resting place is overrun with happy, laughing children — and filled with family members they hadn’t seen for a very long time.

They’d probably love Easter the way children love Christmas.

Either way, wishing all of you a very happy Easter. God bless you and your families.

PRediction: We don’t know the name of the downed U.S. pilot who was heroically rescued in Iran yesterday… but he’ll soon be a household name.

Donald J. Trump Truth Social 04:05.26 12:08 AM EST

FROM PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP

WE GOT HIM! My fellow Americans, over the past several hours, the United States Military pulled off one of the most daring Search and Rescue Operations in U.S. History, for one of our incredible…

— Commentary Donald J. Trump Posts From Truth Social (@TrumpDailyPosts) April 5, 2026

It’s an amazing story (New York Times):

After ejecting from the F-15E, the officer hid in a mountain crevice, his location initially unknown to either Americans trying to rescue him, or Iranians trying to capture him.

The C.I.A. initiated a deception campaign to try to confuse Iranian forces, and convince them the airman had already been rescued and was moving out of the country in a ground convoy, a senior administration official said. The agency also ultimately found the airman’s hiding place, passing the information on to the Pentagon, which mounted the rescue operation, the senior administration official said.

[…]

The mission to save the crew member employed hundreds of special forces troops and other military personnel, dozens of U.S. warplanes, helicopters, and cyber, space and other intelligence capabilities.

The airman evaded Iranian forces for more than 24 hours, at one point hiking up a 7,000-foot ridgeline, a senior U.S. military official said. U.S. attack aircraft dropped bombs and opened fire on Iranian convoys to keep them away from the area where the airman was hiding. As U.S. commandos converged on the downed airman, they fired their weapons to keep Iranian forces away from the rescue site, but did not engage in a firefight with the Iranians, a U.S. military official said.

The airman was equipped with a beacon and a secure communication device for coordinating with forces mounting the rescue. But the airman restricted the use of his beacon, because Iranian forces could have detected its signal as well.

A senior U.S. military official described the mission to rescue the airman as one of the most challenging and complex in the history of U.S. special operations given the mountainous terrain, the airman’s injuries and Iranian forces rushing to the location.

From the Easter timing to the remarkable success (not a single loss of American life), this was a PR manna from heaven. And if the rumors are true — and the pilot was helped and sheltered by Iranian civilians who hate their regime — its propaganda value is off-the-charts huge. 

After the pilot recovers, he must do interview after interview. Plaster his story all over social media. Put him on a pedestal. Celebrate his bravery. Make him a superstar.

This could be a big deal… but only if we make it a big deal.

Otherwise, it’ll be forgotten by the public.

PRojection: The Daily Wire is getting lots of press for its latest action movie. Not good press, but you could make an argument that it’s still a net positive: More people will be interested in the movie now.

But with all due respect to Jonathan Majors, the film’s mainstream appeal will be limited. Majors has an even messier backstory than the Easter Bunny and lacks the star power to move the needle on his own. Which means, unless this film is legitimately great, it’s unlikely to make a bigger ripple than any other Netflix/Prime/Hulu weekend premier.

Since the beginning of the year, Netflix has released exclusive premiers that featured Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Tyler Perry, and Dennis Quaid. Prime has done the same with Dave Bautista and Jason Momoa. Why should The Daily Wire assume a lesser star like Jonathan Majors will be a difference-maker?

This isn’t the kind of movie that’ll boost The Daily Wire’s profit model.

But there’s one story that would. Not only would it elevate The Daily Wire’s brand and catapult it to the next level in filmmaking, but when it premieres, it’d be a legit must-see event. Furthermore, it would be absolutely perfect for The Daily Wire’s fanbase (and thus, its profit model), which consists of patriotic, God-fearing, and conservative Americans.

And that’s the exclusive story of the downed U.S. pilot.

Once this pilot is named, The Daily Wire ought to move heaven and earth to land the film/publishing rights. Leverage White House relationships if it must! It’s ideal synergy.

(Much more so than Pendragons.)

Done right, this is the kind of movie that could transform The Daily Wire into a major player.

PRaise: To the men and women of the United States Armed Services. Your country is proud of you — and you’re forever in our hearts — today, tomorrow, and the day after. Millions of people you’ve never met are praying for your safety.

Wherever you are, happy Easter. 

PRedators: When Secretary of State Marco Rubio revealed that the pro-Iranian daughter and niece of master-terrorist Qasem Soleimani were living large in America, I was flabbergasted: How the hell did they even get a green card?!

So initially, I supported Rubio’s decision:

Until recently, Hamideh Soleimani Afshar and her daughter were green card holders living lavishly in the United States.

Afshar is the niece of deceased Iranian Major General Qasem Soleimani. She is also an outspoken supporter of the Iranian regime who celebrated attacks on…

— Secretary Marco Rubio (@SecRubio) April 4, 2026

Atta boy, Marco! Kick them ALL out of our country!

But then I saw a few photos of Soleimani’s grandniece:

She is Sarinasadat Hosseiny, 25 - grandniece of slain Iranian General Qasem Soleiman.

They left Iran and Took Refuge in the USA citing Danger to their Life. They lived a lavish life in the USA.

When Iran attacked the USA and Destroyed their aircraft, both were seen… pic.twitter.com/XhEx1i8wPw

— Rohit (@Iam_Rohit_G) April 5, 2026

Sarinasadat Hosseiny, 25, enjoyed a lavish life in the USA where she was free to drink alcohol and dress as she wished.

Her mother, Hamideh Soleimani Afshar, used America’s freedom of speech to promote the Islamic Republic of Iran.

These relatives of General Qasem Soleimani… pic.twitter.com/M2KPvWHzTh

— Visegrád 24 (@visegrad24) April 5, 2026

Oh. She looks… different than I thought she would. 

Hmm.

Guys! I think I can fix her!

So yeah, I’m this week’s PRedator. (Apologies for being a pig.)

Bunnies > pigs.