Old Men and Hot Young Women: Creepy or Cool?

AP Photo/Steven Senne

When King David was very old, he could not keep warm even when they put covers over him. So his attendants said to him, “Let us look for a young virgin to serve the king and take care of him. She can lie beside him so that our lord the king may keep warm.”

Then they searched throughout Israel for a beautiful young woman and found Abishag, a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. The woman was very beautiful; she took care of the king and waited on him, but the king had no sexual relations with her.

1 Kings 1:1-4 (NIV)

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Old men and young women: It’s certainly not a new thing. For a very long time, it symbolized virility and strength — and even the God-given right of a king to rule. (To quote renowned Biblical scholar Mel Brooks, “It’s good to be the king!”). The Talmud teaches that David’s depleted sexual stamina foreshadowed his demise — and the loss of his crown. 

David was 70 when he died, so that was one heck of an age gap. Some speculate that Abishag was only 12.

Today, the average age gap between American couples is 2.3 years, with the man almost always older than the woman.

There are a handful of May-December relationships where the woman is older: Brigitte Macron, the wife of French President Emmanuel Macron, is 25 years his senior. They met when he was just 15 and was attending an after-school theater club with Brigette’s daughter. (Mal à l'aise!)

But those are the exceptions. The overwhelming majority of the time, when there’s a large age gap, it’s an older man and a younger woman. Only 1.7% of American marriages feature a 10+ year gap where the woman is older, but 7.6% of the time, the man is 10+ years older.

Today, large age gaps have (mostly) gone out of style. In roughly 34% of American marriages, the man is no more than two years older than the woman; 43.6% of the time, the man is two to nine years older. 

That accounts for three out of four American marriages.

Anecdotally, Zoomers have been increasingly hostile to age-gap relationships, associating them with predatory, creepy (male) behavior. This sentiment is especially widespread on social media platforms such as Reddit and TikTok.

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Still, there are exceptions.

For a while now, Leonardo DiCaprio has been pilloried for his (many, many) dalliances with 20-something beauties, even after he turned 50. It’s a very common phenomenon in Hollywood. 

It has been for a long time.

But the most gossiped-about age-gap relationship in America today is that of 73-year-old Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend, Jordon Hudson. Unquestionably the most successful NFL coach of all-time, he’s now coaching at the University of North Carolina, and it’s been a VERY different Bill Belichick. The same man who once banned Tom Brady’s training partner from Foxboro(!) has empowered his girlfriend in all kinds of non-Belichickian ways. She’s been his press agent, body man, assistant, enforcer, and closest advisor.

It’s freaking out Coach Belichick’s friends, including Charles Barkley. Football journalists are struggling to make sense of it:

Looming over the entire situation is a 49-year-age difference that is no one’s business but for the people in the relationship. Still, the fact that anyone — wife, child, sibling, girlfriend — has taken such an active role in Belichick’s professional interests is objectively jarring. It would be for any accomplished football coach. When it comes to the very guarded and “do your job"-ish Belichick, it’s even more alarming.

Hudson has no job with the North Carolina football program. But she’s acting like she does. Apparently with Belichick’s consent. Presumably, he’s paying her directly. Either in salary or real estate, or both. (Hopefully, they’ve retained a CPA and/or a tax lawyer, given the realities of employment taxes and gift taxes.)

Barkley — whose genius comes from his ability and willingness to say what others are thinking — has expressed the concerns that others have. When does a situation like this cross the line from the normal benefits incidental to a personal relationship to something that could be more contrived, strategic, and/or opportunistic?

All of this is making Belichick look bad. It’s affecting his legacy. Whether it’s making Hudson look bad is a matter of perspective. She’s amassing influence and, apparently, wealth. [emphasis added]

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If you’re a cynic, your eyes are already rolling: Well, OF COURSE, she’s after his money! C’mon, stop being so naïve! Whenever you see a rich old guy with a hot young babe, it’s silly to discount the financial motive!

That’s always been the age-old tradeoff: The rich guy showers her with money, gifts, and security; in exchange, he gets to be with someone young and beautiful. Sure, it’s a transactional relationship — but a transactional relationship is still a relationship… right? 

Who are we to judge?

(Either way, I’ll betcha Jordon Hudson is feeling nervous: Clearly, Belichick likes younger women — and that UNC campus is gonna be a target-rich environment for a creepy old coach.)

When I was in my early 20s, I hung out with my dad at a craft beer festival. A group of college-aged girls walked by and gave me flirty looks. 

Naturally, I flirted right back. They were cute!

“I love being young!” I snickered to my Dad.

“You’re an idiot!” he retorted. “See, girls your age look good to me AND girls my age look good to me. So, objectively, I get to enjoy looking at more beautiful women than you do. HA!! I win!!”

I’ve pondered that for decades. Now that I’m in my 50s, I kind of understand what my Dad was saying: Women my age are gorgeous. Women in their 40s are gorgeous, too. 

And y’know, so are women younger than that.

I’ve been married for 20+ years (and just for the record, I’m a whopping four months older than my wife). But even if I were single, I couldn’t imagine dating a girl as young as Jordon Hudson. What would we talk about? (“Say, fellow kids! Have you seen that cool new band, Bon Jovi? Why, I read about them on that World Wide Web-thingy everyone’s talking about. Let’s ‘Ask Jeeves’ for more information!”)

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But on the other hand, if I went to a bachelor party and all the dancers were my age, that would be really weird, too. I don’t think I’d wanna look at 50-something “entertainment.” (Sorry.)

Our biological hardwiring is undeniable. It is what it is, and fighting against it is kinda like tugging against a big, fat marlin at high sea: You could throw out your back trying to reel it in!

I get it; I’ve felt it; I’ve experienced it.

We all have.

But regardless of our brain’s circuitry, we’re still responsible for guiding its impulses. Lust, for its own sake, is no excuse. 

We’re people, not animals.

Sometimes, May-December relationships are the best option available for any two humans. It’s none of my business, and I wish ‘em the best. Clearly, there have been warm, loving, long-term relationships with large age gaps — and disastrous, awful marriages between folks of the same age. 

There are no guarantees in life. Only probabilities.

Which is why it’s smarter to play the odds. And the smart money is NOT on large age gaps.

I vote “creepy.”

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