When to Get a Divorce

And at least your daughter wouldn't starve to death. Which was a very real concern, pre-Industrial Revolution: An unmarried woman was a burden.

Marrying someone purely for love was a luxury that precious few of our great-great-grandparents could afford.

But that was then. A lot has changed. 

An unmarried woman is no longer a burden on society. She can enter the workforce and fend for herself; she doesn’t “need” a man to put food on her plate. In Western culture, “arranged marriages” are considered backwards and unfair. What’s good for your at-large family takes a backseat to your love and passion.

But love and passion can be fleeting. And the dreadful defect of marriage is, only one person has to pull the plug... and it’s over. Getting married is a joint decision; getting divorced usually isn’t.

That’s scary. 

Most couples cherish their marriage. There’s very little on this Earth that they value more. The idea that one person — on a whim! — can deep-six the whole thing is frickin’ terrifying. It’s why people are so paranoid about cheating and betrayal: Ultimately, the success of your marriage isn’t limited to your decisions.

And the more you care, the more vulnerable you are to being hurt.

Sadly, the spouse who cares the least about their ex (and their children) has the upper hand when things go sideways.

“I always say that the person who cares less about the children has a tactical advantage in a custody proceeding, the same way that a bank robber has a tactical advantage over the cops,” claimed celebrity divorce attorney James Sexton. “Because they can shoot innocent bystanders! The cop can’t just spray with a machine gun and hope they’ll hit one of the robbers, but robbers can just spray and hope they hit the cops.”

Between 40% to 50% of marriages end in divorce. Among the professions with the highest divorce rate are construction workers, food servers, doctors, and salespeople. Active-duty members of the U.S. military also divorce at a higher rate than the general population.

About 55% of marriages ended because of infidelity. Lack of commitment (73%) and arguing too much (56%) also ranked highly. About 1 in 4 marriages end due to domestic violence. (Obviously, there are often multiple reasons.) 

Here’s a warning for young lovers: 48% of couples who get married before the age of 18 will divorce within a decade. But for couples who wait ‘til they’re 25, the divorce rate drops to 25%. That makes sense: You’d expect an older, more-mature couple to make better decisions. But what’s mystifying is that couples between the ages of 20 and 25 are 60% more likely to divorce. Statistically, the 20 to 25 age bracket is a high-risk category — more so than even young people.

By the way, your second trip to the rodeo will probably be worse than your first. If you and your spouse had been previously married, you’re 90% more likely to divorce.

College is also a plus: If you’ve attended a college, your divorce rate drops by 13%. And smarter people tend to stay married longer: Folks with “below average” IQs are a whopping 50% more likely to divorce.

Along with a high IQ, your political affiliation matters greatly. Conservatives are the least likely to divorce (28%). Moderates divorce more often (33%), and liberals the most (37%).

(You might wanna copy and paste the above paragraph: This is GREAT info to share with all your leftwing friends!)

The five states with the highest divorce rate are Nevada, West Virginia, Arkansas, Idaho, and Oklahoma. The five with the lowest rates are Iowa, Illinois, Massachusetts, North Dakota, and Pennsylvania. (Plan your vacation accordingly.)

Are your parents happily married? If so, your risk of divorce is 14% lower. But if your parents married other people after getting a divorce, you’re 91% more likely to get divorced, too. When just one spouse comes from a divorced home, the divorce rate is 50% higher — and when both come from a divorced home, their divorce rate skyrockets by 200%.

Alas, the inescapable truth is, we’re all a byproduct of our environment: Forget about your parents — if a close friend gets divorced, you’re 147% more likely to join ’em!

So choose your friends carefully.

Another helpful tip: Try to have baby boys. Parents with a daughter are 5% more likely to get a divorce than parents of a son. (When there are three daughters, the number doubles: 10%.) Interpret that however you want; I’m keeping my mouth shut.

You should also throw away your Marlboros. When one spouse smokes, their marriage is 76% to 95% more likely to end in a divorce. (That would make for a snappy Surgeon General warning, wouldn’t it?) It’s unclear why smokers have such a high divorce rate, but perhaps it’s because they’re less risk-averse than the Average Joe. 

One’s propensity for risk-taking might not bode well for a happy, stable marriage.

An overwhelming majority of divorced women — 90% — have custody of their children. But 65% receive no child support. Sometimes, the children of divorce suffer profoundly, and are more likely to engage in self-harm, drug abuse, and crime. 

Occasionally, divorce is good for the parent(s). But it’s often brutal for the children.

I met my wife in 1999. (Hi, Johanna!) We’ve now been together for more than half my life. But when we got married, I was still a dumbass in my 20s: That dopy 20-something kid signed me up for a lifetime commitment! Fortunately, it’s worked out wonderfully for both of us.

But if it hadn’t?

Divorce is a terrible, awful, evil, devastating, ruinous, abhorrent thing. It sucks on absolutely every level. Emotionally, it’s eerily similar to the heartache we feel when a loved one passes away. You wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy.

But it’s still better than staying in a bad marriage. 

Divorce is a very bad option. But sometimes, it’s still the best option you’ve got.