“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” —Douglas Adams
What do you do when the POTUS is a POTATO?
With the nation still coming to grips with the post-election revelation that “President” Joe Biden has been mentally compromised from the very beginning, there’s an impulse to reinterpret that last four years through the lens of senility. The presidency, after all, is the most important, most consequential job on the planet. The actions — and inactions — of our chief executive can transform civilization.
It's heady stuff.
But what do you do when the chief executive is missing his head?
There’s a psychological tendency to put all our “unknown” or “mysterious” ideas in the same handbasket. It goes like this: Dark energy, dark matter, and God Almighty all defy scientific classification. We can’t really define or describe the nature of any of ‘em.
So, we wonder: Maybe dark energy and dark matter are the same! Maybe dark matter and dark energy IS God!
(And thus, we have the plot to the next lousy Netflix sci-fi movie.)
Of course, they almost certainly aren’t all the same. “Dark” is a catch-all scientific term for “we don’t know what the heck it is,” and aside from being mysterious, it’s unclear what all three would have in common.
But that’s both the beauty and the curse of the human psyche: Our brains are designed to recognize patterns. From figuring out that planting and watering seeds produces food to more complex discoveries, it’s our pattern-recognition skills that elevated us from the African savanna.
Unfortunately, we also misidentify patterns. All the time: False-positives are a real problem.
And here we are at the grand intersection of Weirdness Boulevard and Mystery Lane: We have drones flying all over the eastern seaboard. There are strange reports of SUV-sized drones flying in clusters from the ocean, outmaneuvering military aircrafts, and patrolling our bases. They fly for hours at a time — far longer than commercial drones — and seem to lack a heat signature.
They could be from a foreign adversary. One of the liabilities of having a POTATO-in-chief is that a POTATO has hashbrowns for brains. (It’s unlikely you’ll be outwitted by a POTATO.)
Which would make now through January 20 the ideal time for our adversaries to test America’s capabilities to defend its cities and military bases from asymmetric drone attacks.
The drones could also be part of a secret government project. Rumors are swirling, including reports of missing radioactive material that can be tracked via drone sensors.
But if that’s true, why do we light ‘em up? Wouldn’t it be far wiser to fly the drones at night without lights, so you don’t panic the public and draw unnecessary attention?
And if these drones really are from a secret U.S. program, why isn’t the government using a better cover story? Because their current cover story — “We don’t have a clue either!” — isn’t gonna satiate the public.
Something simple, like saying we’re searching for a missing satellite, would’ve been sufficient. ANYTHING would’ve been better than NOTHING!
Furthermore, the possibility remains that Joe Biden was briefed on the drone activities… and he just doesn’t remember anymore.
The federal government has lots of secrets. There are a few elected politicians — and a lot more unelected, unaccountable bureaucrats — walking around D.C. with all kinds of classified info in their heads.
Some secrets are necessary for national security: I’m glad somebody in Washington knows how to build a nuke, but I certainly wouldn’t want that info publicized. And most of the time, our security system works well. Most of the time, we’re safe and secure.
But the whole system breaks down when the man at the top has a potato patch between his ears.
The U.S. president must maintain complete mastery of all our nation’s secrets. He must recognize the patterns that fit for peace, safety, and security — and the patterns that foretell a disastrous calamity. It’s not something you can delegate; t’s not a responsibility you can dump on an underling.
Because it’s the single most important part of your job.
The Biden-Harris administration was a post-lucid presidency. And now, in its final days, we may (or may not) be invaded by foreign drones; the drones may (or may not) be operating without our government’s permission; and we may (or may not) have something to worry about.
Sleep tight, America!
The drone lights are bright, but our president is dull: He’s a French fry short of a Happy Meal.
But that’s the price you pay for a POTATO-in-chief.
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