About six years ago, we had a big family event. And since we were hiring photographers and videographers, I figured it would be smart to get my doughy, dimply butt in gear and get in shape.
At the time, I weighed 180ish. I wasn’t exactly fat, but I certainly wasn’t thin. (My belly was actually the perfect size to balance my beer AND my plate of nachos.) So I spent three months weightlifting one day and doing cardio the next, cutting my calories in half.
My weight dropped to the high 150s. That was lighter than what I was in high school, so I quit cardio, upped my protein and calories, refocused on weightlifting, and tried to get my weight up to 195. I took it seriously, too: I read and listened to everything I could about hypertrophy, recovery, fitness, and nutrition.
See, that was my goal: I began in my mid-40s and wanted to hit 195 by age 50. That way, I figured I could drop about 5 or 7 pounds per decade in my 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s, and still maintain a decent baseline of strength and fitness.
I didn’t quite reach it. When I turned 50, I had only made it to 191 or 192. But that’s been enough to make a huge difference in my fitness, health, and appearance. (Besides, with everyone else my age counting calories, it’s pretty awesome to still be able to eat like a pig. Oink, oink!)
Now, when I take my shirt off, I look like a frickin’ Marvel superhero. (Well, obviously, not a superhero like Thor. C’mon, folks — let’s be realistic here. But… I could kick Antman’s ass!)
In the process, I was able to crack the fitness code. Anyone can do it! Here’s what I learned:
There are four simple steps you need to follow: Plan, Attack, Ritualize, and Eat.
Planning
Do your homework. It’s really not that complicated: Figure out your fitness goals and then follow a reasonable regimen. Not all roads will reach the same destination; the fitness goals of a heavy person and a skinny person are gonna be different.
But the good news is, none of this is complicated. Go look around your neighborhood gym: Do you see those big, buff dudes? Not too many of ‘em are geniuses. Very few are PhDs or Nobel laureates. Right?
Trust me, if those “Gym Bro” nitwits can figure it out, you can, too.
Attacking
When you go to a gym and look around, not everyone is working hard. Lots of folks are just going through the motions, staring at their phones and taking selfies. That strategy won’t take you to the finish line: You’ve gotta push yourself.
Your body doesn’t want to grow muscles. They’re a huge drain on your resources. Instead, you have to trick your body, and the magic trick is hypertrophy: Somehow, someway, you need to push your body to the point of failure.
But there are lots of ways to hit it. You can up the weight. You can increase your reps and sets. You can decrease your rest-time. The only common denominator is hypertrophy.
This must be your motto: Hypertrophy by any means necessary!
Ritualize
This is the REAL secret sauce — and the reason why most fitness programs fail. It’s human nature to concentrate on the destination: How great it’ll feel to look in the mirror and have the perfect physique. How proud you’ll be when you strip down at the beach.
And I won’t lie: It’s a great motivator.
But if you’re only motivated by the destination, you’ll eventually quit. Your destination is way, waaaaay off in the future. You need to find a way to “ritualize” your journey.
Here’s what works for me: I have certain podcasts that I only listen to when I’m working out. (God bless you, Dan Carlin!) And afterwards, there’s a local pub that I hit, to have a drink and chat with my buddies.
On the days I don’t work out, I don’t go.
It’s simple. Not too many moving parts. But I usually find myself excited for Monday mornings — because that means I can workout again, catch up on my favorite podcasts, and socialize with my friends.
Finding a way to enjoy the journey is the secret: Figure out what motivates you and tap into it.
Eat
You don’t get stronger when you lift weights; you actually get weaker, because you’re tearing up your muscles. It’s a destructive, violent act.
But when you’re done? That’s when your body recovers and grows.
Consuming enough protein is a major challenge. Personally, I can’t do it with just chicken, turkey, Greek yogurt, and meat. I had to augment my diet with daily protein shake(s) and protein bars. You might, too.
Good news is, some of those shakes and bars are kinda tasty. (And when your body needs extra calories, so are nachos, Buffalo wings, and ice cream.)
In Conclusion
Y’know, it’s funny: Whenever I reach out to my PJ Media editors and ask them when we’re shooting our annual beach calendar, they keep giving me the runaround: “Scott, there is no beach calendar. There never was. Please stop making up stuff and insisting it’s real.”
But eventually, they’re gonna give me a straight answer. And when we shoot that calendar, you’ll see what I mean!
So what’s the bottom line?
We’ve got four years of a Trump presidency to look forward to. Might as well get in fighting shape now — because our REAL battle has just begun.
