Is Donald Trump… Actually Teddy Roosevelt?

AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast

Whenever a large-scale tragedy – or a near-tragedy – blights the landscape, the tin-hat-wearing conspiracy nuts mass-migrate from their basements to fulfill their fantasies of exposing far-reaching “government secrets” that only they can uncover. We saw it directly after the JFK assassination, with an “amazing coincidence” between President Kennedy and President Lincoln somehow going viral in a pre-Internet age. Admittedly, some of those coincidences are a bit "Six Sense" -ish – you almost expected to spot Bruce Willis lurking by the grassy knoll – and it’s true that Lee Harvey Oswald and John Wilkes Booth have the exact same number of letters; Lincoln and Kennedy were both succeeded by a southerner name Johnson; lots of key dates were exactly 100 years apart. Spooky?

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Eh.

Many of these “facts” were greatly embellished, however. (Favorite false fact: One month before Lincoln died, he was in Monroe, Maryland. And one month before Kennedy died, he was in Marilyn Monroe. Ba-bum-bum-ching!) But most Lincoln-Kennedy coincidences, of course, are far more mundane than mystical.

So, in a similar (and juuust slightly less mundane) vein, PJMedia is proud to reveal the remarkable, amazing, incredible, absolutely ASTONISHING true-life similarities between Donald Trump and Teddy Roosevelt:

Teddy Roosevelt was born to a wealthy New York family in New York City (Manhattan). Donald Trump was born to a wealthy New York family in New York City (Queens). Both were born on the 14th (September for Roosevelt, June for Trump).

Teddy Roosevelt was originally elected to one full term as President. Donald Trump was originally elected to one full term as president.

Both selected a vice president from Indiana (Charles Fairbanks and Mike Pence).

After being out of office for four years, Teddy Roosevelt ran for reelection. After being out of office for four years, Donald Trump ran for reelection.

Teddy Roosevelt was shot while giving a campaign speech. Donald Trump was shot while giving a campaign speech. (Both lived.)

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The man who shot Roosevelt was John Matthew Schrank. His name had 19 letters. The man who shot Trump was Thomas Matthew Crooks. His name had 19 letters.

The date that Trump’s critics use as an epithet against him – January 6 – is actually the same day Teddy Roosevelt died.

Teddy Roosevelt was an avid boxer, fighter and wrestler. Donald Trump is a member of the WWE Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame and UFC superfan (and survived a stunner from Steve Austin at Wrestlemania).

Teddy Roosevelt was a Rough Rider. Donald Trump… rode Stormy Daniels. (Allegedly.)

Roosevelt had a Square Deal. Trump had the Art of the Deal.

Both were married multiple times. Both outlived their first wife. Both had five or more children. Both had three or more siblings.

Both named their first-born male after themselves (Theodore Roosevelt Jr. and Don Trump Jr.).

Both of their moms had two syllable names that began with M (Martha for Roosevelt, Mary for Trump).

Trump has announced that he has a plan to bring peace to Russia and end their war (with Ukraine). Roosevelt won a Nobel Peace Prize for bringing peace to Russia and ending their war (with Japan).

Both appeared in John Hughes movies (Donald Trump in Home Alone 2, “Teddy Roosevelt,” aka Robin Williams, in Flubber).

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Both were Republicans.

Both were successful, best-selling authors.

Teddy Roosevelt was said to carry a “big stick.” Donald Trump… well, he has very large hands.

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