A while back, I asked someone I know if their 11-year-old son might be interested in feeding my farm animals while I was out of town. I actually had it covered, but I knew the kid wanted to make some extra money, so I kind of thought I was doing them a favor. It wouldn't take much effort: just toss some food in and refill the water each day.
"He doesn't really like to do work like that," the mom said. "I can't even get him to do chores at home."
I was shocked at this answer for two reasons. First, when I was his age, I would do practically anything someone asked me like that because it made me feel like a grown-up, and especially if they offered to pay me. Hey, I've always been a capitalist at heart.
Second, there's no way on the planet my own mother would have said that about me. When another adult in our orbit asked me for reasonable help, "yes" was the only suitable answer, whether money was involved or not. Like the time when I was around eight or nine years old and my neighbors asked me to feed their St. Bernards that were bigger than I was for a week while they were traveling — let's just say that my dad ended up feeding St. Bernards while I was watched, but saying "no" wasn't an option.
Even in first grade, I remember my teacher creating a chore chart for the classroom with a list of responsibilities, and each week, she'd assigned two people to each one, and that was our job until Friday. We weren't paid. We weren't asked. We were just told to do it, and I think we craved it, even if we didn't admit it. That little bit of responsibility made us feel confident and accomplished. It made us feel special.
Kids haven't stopped doing chores, but they're definitely not doing them at the rates they were in the past. I've seen multiple surveys from the first two and a half decades of the 21st century suggesting that anywhere from 28-70% of kids regularly help out around the house. The most recent one I could find suggested that only 44% of kids age15 and under do household chores.
I realize that's quite a gap, but almost every one I read did have one thing in common: No matter what percentage of kids do chores now, the number is lower than it was in the 1990s and previous decades.
The thing is, it's not the kids' faults. They may argue, but may of them actually do want extra responsibilities. The problem is that many of their parents aren't even trying in the first place. One of the reasons why parents say they don't insist their kids help out around the house is a fear of over-scheduling their already busy children. Many young families are rarely home, and when they are, they don't want to spend that time cleaning.
I suppose that's reasonable, but I can't defend the other excuses. For example, some parents say their kids refused or negotiated out of doing chores. I guess "because I said so" is not a popular parenting phrase these days like it was when I was a child.
Some moms and dads wanted to avoid conflict or authoritarian parenting styles or felt like having your child take out the trash is the equivalent of abusive child labor in a third-world country. I'm guessing those kids will grow up to become Democrats.
One of the most cited reasons was convenience. Many parents said they simply don't have the patience to wait for their children to do tasks that they can do much faster and better themselves.
Personally, I think these parents are missing the point. Giving your children chores to do around the house is not always about getting the job done perfectly or even quickly, especially with younger ones. It's about teaching them responsibility and any number of lessons. Plus, how will they learn if they don't practice?
An assistant principal at school in Arizona wrote: "A mom recently told me that she does not allow her school-aged children to help fold the laundry because they will not do it right and the laundry will be a mess. My reply to her is that they have to learn to do it right, which can only be done by trying. Allowing children to do a chore allows them to master that chore."
She goes on to highlight some of the other benefits of having children do chores, like improved self-esteem, better time management skills, self-discipline, and the values of cleanliness, hard work, and order.
The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry also suggests that more parents should have their children do chores. It cites reasons like encouraging independence, kids accepting their role in the family, learning organization skills, and providing opportunities for success for children who may be struggling in other areas of life.
It even suggests encouraging kids as young as two to three years old to start with tasks like putting their toys away. As they get older, they can help feed pets, clear the dinner table, wipe down counters, and put laundry away. By the time a child is 11 to 12 years old, they should be able to do things like yardwork, clean an entire room, or wash their bed sheets.
Not yet convinced? Check this out from Parent.com:
Harvard University ran a 75-year-long study that followed people through their entire lives. It tracked their physical and emotional health, trying, in part, to find some kind of insight into what makes people happy and successful.
Chores, it concluded, were the key. When it came to their careers, the one thing that could predict whether a child grew up successful linked back to chores. Kids who had to help out at home were more successful in their careers as adults. The earlier they started the better.
It makes a lot of sense. According to Julie Lythcott-Haims, when kids do chores, they learn that they have to contribute to life to participate in it. When you do all the cooking, your kids grow up thinking that food is provided for them. But when kids help, they understand there’s work involved.
"When kids do chores, they learn that they have to contribute to life to participate in it."
I think that may be the best argument yet, and when I look around at all the adults I know, I feel like I can tell which ones were made to contribute to their households from an early age and which ones were not.
So, now I'm curious, especially considering I do not have children. For those of you who are parents, do your or did you make them do chores? For those of you who don't have children, did you do chores as a kid? Do you think it had an impact on you? Let me know in the comments.
