Picture it: You're a communist who stole your country's most recent election. You and your illegitimate government buddies live high on the hog while your people starve, can't find work, and flee the country. There's an uprising within, protests in the streets, but your military, trained by Fidel Castro himself, squashes it as much as possible. The world is finally speaking out. They're condemning you, calling you a terrorist. The greatest nation on the planet has a $50 million reward out for you, and, in the meantime, it's taking out your little drug boats — part screwing with your real gig as a cartel boss, part intimidating you by implying more military action is coming.
What's a poor little narco-terrorist dictator like you to do? Declare it's Christmas, of course.
While most people in the world celebrate Christmas on December 25, Venezuela's illegitimate president Nicolás Maduro has instructed his constituents, or what's left of them, to start the festivities on October 1 and keep them going for the rest of the year. Why? No, he's not just a jolly, holiday-loving kind of guy — he's more of a tinsel tyrant — and no, he's not a consultant for U.S. retailers who already have trees and ornaments on the shelves in September; this is just what el presidente does when he's nervous.
And el presidente is definitely nervous. On Monday, he signed a "state of external commotion," essentially giving himself power to do whatever he wants to do with the country's assets due to the growing "Yankee aggression." I'm not sure what this changes as he pretty much does whatever he wants to do anyway, but I digress.
Now, back to this Christmas thing. Maduro made the declaration earlier this month as the United States military presence grew in the Caribbean Sea and about a week after we took out the first drug boat carrying narco-terrorists. "Once again this year, Christmas starts on October 1 with joy, commerce, activity, culture, carols," dancing and traditional foods," he said.
Once again, you ask? Maduro did the same thing last year in an attempt to calm down the country after he stole the 2024 election. "September smells like Christmas," the dictator announced. "This year and to honor you all, to thank you all, I am going to decree the beginning of Christmas on October 1. Christmas arrived for everyone, in peace, joy and security!"
In the meantime, Maduro was trying to arrest the man who should be the country's president, Edmundo Gonzalez, for "crime associated with terrorism," and squashing protesters who favored the opposition. At that time, at least 2,400 people had been arrested, while other hid in their homes or fled the country.
In 2023, he pushed Christmas back to November 1, claiming he regretted not doing it sooner. At the time, the country's economic situation was worsening, and he thought it might give him a boost in the upcoming election.
In 2021, he moved the holiday season back to October 4 in an effort to "spread joy" and give commerce a kickstart in the wake of the pandemic. In reality, it was a ruse for hiding mask mandates and food shortages.
Maduro started this game back in 2013, the year he first came into power after the death of Hugo Chavez. Maduro was Chavez's vice president and served as interim president until April when the country held elections. He allegedly won, but barely. Recognizing the growing tensions within the country, he decided to try to smooth things over by moving Christmas to November 1. Again he claimed it would stimulate commerce.
So what exactly happens with a dictator takes one of the holiest days of the year for Christians and turns it into his own little propaganda machine? In his mind, Venezuela turns into a warm and thriving Normal Rockwell scene where everyone is out singing carols and shopping for gifts, and more importantly, they're quiet and drunk on the holiday spirit rather than facing the grim reality Chavismo as created for them.
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In reality, state media forces the idea down citizens' throats, other leaders criticize him, and Venezuelans take to social media to mock him with hashtags like #NavidadEnOctubre or calls for "Fuera dictadura!" (or "out with the dictatorship"). They claim the only gifts this stingy Santa gives them are empty shelves and handcuffs.
As I've reported previously, Maduro's hold on what should easily be the most free and prosperous nation in South America is crumbling, and actions like these prove it. We'll see what happens next, but I feel a regime change coming, especially if the 75% of Venezuelans who want that to happen get their way.
