Confessions of a Flip-Flopper

Please do not link to this article or pass it around to your friends, unless you really must. And please, no Twitter or Facebook. It’s all quite embarrassing.

Nevertheless, I no longer in good conscience can withhold this information. In the grand tradition of the father of our country, I cannot tell a lie.

I have been -- and still am, on occasion, alas -- a flip-flopper.

Indeed, if I were to be under subpoena by a House committee and asked the eternal question: “Are you now or have you ever been a flip-flopper?” I would -- under penalty of perjury -- have no recourse but to answer, “Yes. Yes, Congresswoman Pelosi [or whoever], I have. I have done it many times. Sometimes I just…. change my mind.”

In truth, I have been flip and flopping from a very young age. I had been gobbling M&M's when I went to Raisinets as my candy of choice. I drifted from Howdy Doody to Captain Video as my favorite television show without so much as notifying the network. I was a highly unreliable fellow, not even faithful to Clarabel.

It went on from there. In junior high school I switched girl friends. And even worse, they switched on me. I went from basketball to tennis as my favorite sport. (Okay, I was too short for the former.)

It was a downhill slide into college where I couldn’t make up my mind between Hemingway and Fitzgerald, and then Balzac and Flaubert, as my favorite author. I even considered changing majors from English to Comp. Lit.

My senior year I flirted with a career in the CIA while, at the same time, participating in anti-bomb demonstrations on campus.

Talk about flip-flopping!

Maybe I should have changed my middle initial from L. to I. Roger Inconsistent Simon.

In my adult life I have been a disgraced muddle of thought. I waffle on everything from preferred cuisine (Japanese or Italian?) to the existence of God.

Which leads, of course, and you knew this was coming, to politics.