'Genderfluid' 'Puppy' Begins Work at Department of Energy

Back in the days of Roman imperial decadence, at least according to legend, the emperor Caligula demonstrated his unfitness for office and the dangers of public indifference and complacency when he appointed his horse Incitatus a senator. Woke America hasn’t reached such an advanced stage of imperial decadence that we have a horse in the Senate; all we have is a dog in the Department of Energy.


Sam Brinton (“they/them”) tweeted happily on Wednesday: “It’s official. As of June 19th, I now serve my nation as the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy in the Department of Energy.” He attached a photo of himself that was apparently taken in his office; in it, a smirking, lipsticked Brinton, hands on hips, is wearing a belted sleeveless red jumpsuit (or something) with American flag-themed high heels and a chain necklace.

Brinton modestly omits mention of the fact that he is the first canine to serve in the Department of Energy. In a 2016 article in Metro Weekly, he speaks at length about “puppy play” (he is identified only by his first name, but an accompanying photo makes it clear that Sam in the article is Brinton. The new Deputy Assistant Secretary explains: “I actually have trouble when we transition from pup play to having sex. Like, ‘No, I can’t have you whimper like that when we’re having sex,’ because I don’t want to mix that world. It’s interesting, because he doesn’t have to come out of pup mode to have me f**k him. I personally have to bring him out of pup perception for me. But then I’m still treating him as a submissive to me.”

The nuclear energy expert defends all this against those strait-laced bigots who might object: “I’ve honestly had people ask, ‘Wait, you have sex with animals?’ They believe it’s abusive, that it’s taking advantage of someone who may not be acting up to a level of human responsibility…. The other misperception is that I have some really messed up background, like, did I have some horrible childhood trauma that made me like to have sex with animals.”


He may not have mentioned all this Wednesday because, in typical Leftist fashion, he claims that an earlier announcement of his appointment had led to him receiving threats. It’s funny how Leftists are responsible for the overwhelming majority of the political violence in America today, yet Leftist politicians and officials routinely claim that they’re constantly being harassed by racist, redneck, MAGA hat-wearing yahoos. Brinton tweeted: “Due to the concern of negative and threatening responses like we saw in my previous announcement, including more than a hundred death threats and more vitriol than I could have imagined, I held off announcing my official start until I could be safe and secure in my new role.”

Now, apparently, he is safe and secure, and so it is time to par-tay: “But goodness is this a time for celebration! It’s really really official! The beautiful irony that the months-long process of getting me into this role culminated in a Pride month start date is not lost on me.” How marvelous: Brinton not only took office but did so during his holy month.

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Brinton continued: “As one of if not the very first openly genderfluid individuals in federal government leadership, I was welcomed with open arms into the Department of Energy all the way up to the Secretary whom I shared the stage with in a Pride month celebration panel just today.”

That’s wonderful, and Brinton went on to assure us that not only was he “genderfluid,” but was fully qualified for his new job: “I’ve prepared for this moment in a technical sense for a decade. Graduating with not one but two degrees from MIT led to working at multiple think tanks where I produced the first-of-a-kind reports and maps on consent-based siting and advanced reactor innovation.” To a well-wisher who complimented his outfit, Brinton replied: “Thanks! One side goal is to bring as much fashion as I can to the DOE, haha.”


Should that really be a priority? Should the human being in charge of taking care of the nation’s nuclear waste really preoccupy himself with the perceived fluidity of his gender and on bringing “fashion” to the Department of Energy, rather than concentrating on his responsibilities as overseer of a “staff of hundreds and a budget of millions (with a Nuclear Waste Fund I’m responsible for at over $45 billion)”?

Brinton puts a lot of time and energy into making sure that people know all about his proclivities. A student who attended his speech at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in 2017 reported: “Throughout the entire talk, Brinton was open about his experiences, the kinks he partakes in, and the nature of his relationships. He left us with countless anecdotes, like how he enjoys tying up his significant other like a table, and eating his dinner on him while he watches Star Trek.”

Nor has Brinton ever been reticent about his bizarre sexuality while at work in the U.S. government. According to the bio he provided to the “LGBTQ Religious Archives Network,” “Sam has worn his stilettos to Congress to advise legislators about nuclear policy and to the White House where he advised President Obama and Michelle Obama on LGBT issues.”

A modest proposal for Mr. Brinton: stop flaunting your gender fluidity and your “puppy play.” Devote the time you thereby save to focusing on your responsibilities in the DOE and executing them well. You may end up being a better Deputy Assistant Secretary for Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy in the Department of Energy if you actually focus on your job than what your appointment symbolizes about America today. But I know there is no chance you’ll take my advice because to do would negate the purpose of your appointment in the first place.




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