Joe Biden's attorney general has made "mental health" a priority for the government. This has both good and bad aspects to it.
There is an epidemic of "mental illness" in America, including depression, obsessive-compulsive behavior, addiction, and other impulse control problems like gambling. More serious forms of mental illness, including eating disorders, paranoia, schizophrenia, and other mental illnesses, are dangerous to others as well as those afflicted.
Is parenting one of these "disorders"?
U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy believes that parenting should have its very own warning label: parenting can be harmful to your mental health. It causes depression, dangerous levels of stress, and high rates of loneliness.
According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, "half of parents report overwhelming stress most days, compared with 26% of other adults," reports the Wall Street Journal.
The temptation is to classify all sorts of situations and behaviors as "mental illnesses." Everyday life for parents is stressful, period. Full Stop. End of story. Anyone who has sat up all night with a sick infant or a screaming two-year-old can define "stress" much better than childless couples.
But who isn’t feeling that way? Elderly people are lonely and stressed. Single men are lonely and stressed. College students are lonely and stressed. Gen X moms are lonely and stressed. There’s an epidemic of loneliness and stress in this country and it’s bad for our mental and physical health, which Murthy pointed out in a previous advisory.
His stark warning doesn’t necessarily help with the real problem. Fewer people are having children, some because they can’t—or can’t see a way to attain professional ambitions along with family ones. Politicians like JD Vance are outspoken on the primacy of parenthood, and lots of people feel the job is so sacred that it’s wrong to even talk about this.
Murthy believes that parents' loneliness comes from their being totally and completely responsible for another human being. Frankly, I think that's a bogus construct. Being responsible for another human being — a precious life that fills us at times, with unbearable joy and brings tears of happiness to our eyes — is not really a question of being alone. Yes, there are moments of sheer terror. But there are also moments of sharing that transcend any other human experience.
Your children's first steps, first words, and that first realization that they are making noises like adults. It's indescribable. But it's not loneliness.
“Somehow, over time, we came to see parenting as an individual sport, not as a team sport,” Murthy told WSJ columnist Julie Jargon. “Parents need the support of family members, friends, and neighbors.”
That's how it used to be. On the street where I grew up, almost every house had three or four kids. If one mother had to run an errand, it was nothing for her to call another mother so that her kids could be looked after.
We didn't need the government for that. It was natural; no one gave it a second thought. Can those feelings of neighborliness be rekindled? I'd like to try that before handing the job over to the government.
Murthy lists things government agencies, employers and healthcare professionals can do to support parents. He wants a national paid family and medical leave program. He recommends expanded programs to support parents in the workplace—such as training employers to recognize signs of stress. He wants pediatricians to provide more mental-health screenings for parents when they bring in their kids.
And while we wait for those institutions to do their part—if they ever do—he says parents need to build and nurture their own support network of friends, neighbors and relatives.
Honestly, that sounds like more stress.
Invariably, when we tell the government to make our lives better or easier, we end up making things worse. There are certainly more challenges parents are facing these days with online bullying and other issues. There's also the sexualized nature of society that has gotten so much worse over the last two decades.
But what can the government do about any of that? If you want a government that can shut down porn sites, they will also have the power to shut down politics they don't agree with.
The answer to loneliness, depression, and stress lies within each of us. Raising our children to be self-sufficient is a good start.
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