When it comes to fart jokes, I admit I have the sense of humor of an 8-year-old boy. I can’t help it. It probably has something to do with growing up in a neighborhood full of boys and raising two of my own. Fart jokes never disappoint, which is why I wanted to bring this anecdote to your attention about a fancy press dinner on New York’s Upper East Side with Democrat presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
Kennedy is merely adjacent to the cocktail party kerfuffle involving “drunk gossip columnist-turned-flack Doug Dechert” and “octogenarian art critic Anthony Haden-Guest, who appeared to have been sleeping happily for most of the dinner,” reports Page Six, with writing worthy of “The Lively Art of Writing.”
The two old windbags (pun intended) got into a heated discussion about climate change, with Dechert screaming about “the climate hoax!” at the top of his lungs. That was enough to rouse Haden-Guest, who awoke from his slumber to call Dechert a “miserable blob.”
“Dechert continued to scream wildly about the climate change ‘scam’ while Haden-Guest peppered him with verbal volleys from across the table, calling him variously ‘f–king insane’ and ‘insignificant,'” the gossip rag explained. But then Dechert volleyed something else out his (no doubt expensively clad) backside:
Here, it seems, Dechert sensed the need for a new rhetorical tack, and let rip a loud, prolonged fart while yelling, as if to underscore his point, “I’m farting!”
The room, which included a handful of journalists as well as Kennedy’s campaign manager, former Rep. Dennis Kucinich, was stunned, seemingly unsure about whether Dechert was farting at Haden-Guest personally or at the very notion of global warming.
(Regrettably, we may assure readers that there was no room for doubt that the climate changed in the immediate environs of the dinner table.)
The deployment of a pungent chemical weapon no doubt upset the climate alarmists at the party, who wet their pants at the mere thought of cow farts. There was no word on whether any known fart-enhancing items were on the dinner menu that night.
I’ve never heard of someone weaponizing a fart, but when you’re in a street fight, you go for the nearest ammo and it just so happened that a dirty bomb was within reach.
RFK Jr., for his part, reportedly remained calm during the pooter’s performance.
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Dechert told Page Six the next day, “I apologize for using my flatulence as a medium of public commentary in your presence” and asked them to refer to him either as a “gallivanting boulevardier” or a “beer-fueled sex rocket.”
[Note: Kevin Downey, Jr. informed our team on Slack today that “boulevardier” is a synonym for “popinjay.” He vowed to use the word in an article today, so keep an eye out for it.]
The rest of the article, predictably, veered into climate alarmism, with Haden-Guest opining that “it’s a life-or-death issue with the planet, to treat it as a zany political thing is foolish.” Blah, blah, blah, zzzzzzz… lather, rinse, repeat, toot.
Apparently, the two old pals kissed and made up the next day.
Of course, the only reason the left-wing Page Six ran with this story was to embarrass RFK Jr., who’s making a serious run at Joe Biden, who presided over a cheese-cutting ceremony of his own in 2021 — in front of the duchess of Cornwall, of all people. The Daily Mail reminds us:
He is supposed to be committed to reducing emissions – but when President Joe Biden produced a little natural gas of his own at the COP26 summit, it was audible enough to make the Duchess of Cornwall blush.
An informed source has told The Mail on Sunday that Camilla was taken aback to hear Biden break wind as they made polite small talk at the global climate change gathering in Glasgow last week.
‘It was long and loud and impossible to ignore,’ the source said. ‘Camilla hasn’t stopped talking about it.’
Anyway, that gave me a good laugh today. I look forward to all your clever remarks in the comment section.
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