News & Politics

Real Witches Offended Trump Keeps Using the Term 'Witch Hunt'

Witches traumatized by the history of Salem have urged President Donald Trump to stop using the term “witch hunt” to refer to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into possible collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign. Ironically, their complaints turn the whole idea of a “witch hunt” upside down.

“To have him compare his situation to the worst period in our history is just infuriating,” Kitty Randall, a witchcraft author who goes by “Amber K.” in the witching world, told the Daily Beast’s Will Sommer. She insisted that historical witch hunts have left a “traumatic emotional imprint” on modern-day witches.

In other words, Trump “triggers” these witches every time he uses the word “witch hunt.” Expect the great foe of political correctness to ramp up this rhetoric if he ever reads this story.

Witches are angry, the Daily Beast reported. “Many are mad, and the rest are rolling their eyes,” David Salisbury, a lead organizer at Firefly House, a witch community in Washington state, told the outlet.

Trump has used the phrase “witch hunt” at least 60 times on Twitter, and he used it four times over the weekend.

Of course, many of those who self-identify as witches also tend to disagree with the president’s agenda. According to Sommer, witches interpret Trump’s tweets “in the larger context of the president demonizing and marginalizing minority groups.”

The witches who spoke with the Daily Beast identified themselves as “feminists [who] support other marginalized groups.”

“It is particularly horrifying because many modern practitioners of witchcraft devote their lives to seeking compassion and justice,” Salisbury insisted.

Witches have gathered to cast spells on Donald Trump and hexes against Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

Kitty Randall insisted that most witches have not resorted to using magic against Trump, however. “I don’t think we need to attack Trump with spells,” she suggested. “He’s in the middle of a process of self-destruction. Trump is safe from any ‘witch hunt’ because no self-respecting coven would have him.”

“If Mueller’s investigation were truly a ‘witch hunt,’ then Donald Trump would be hanging naked from chains in a cold barn somewhere, being tortured into admitting his pact with Satan, before being burned at the stake,” Randall quipped. “Instead, he’s just golfing at Mar-a-Lago.”

The very fact that the witches came forward to complain about Trump threw an interesting wrench into the whole situation. Many — like Trump — decry “witch hunts” under the theory that there were no witches, just people with unorthodox beliefs. In common parlance, a “witch hunt” refers to a search or investigation where guilt is predetermined, and where the person being investigated is actually innocent.

These witches, however, have suggested that witchcraft is real — even if it is not necessarily negative or demonic. This means that some of the accused witches may actually have been witches, and therefore there was some justification in the very “witch hunts” they decry.

The problem wasn’t that witchcraft is a fantasy, but that witchcraft is a positive thing and the people who tortured and murdered accused witches were evil. But if witches were real and are hexing Donald Trump and Brett Kavanaugh, and if these modern witches are “triggered” by the history of witch hunts, maybe there was some justification for these horrific hunts in the first place.

Maybe. It seems that most of those who were killed probably were falsely accused, but history is messy. Interestingly, the Spanish Inquisition actually denounced witch hunts.

In the unlikely case that Trump hears the complaints of these witches, he is more likely to ramp up the “witch hunt” tweets. There’s nothing the president likes better than purposefully getting on liberals’ nerves.

Follow the author of this article on Twitter at @Tyler2ONeil.