News & Politics

Journalist Stops Going to the Gym. Gets Weak. Blames Trump.

President Donald Trump speaks during a meeting with NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg in the Oval Office of the White House, Thursday, May 17, 2018, in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

On the Fourth of July, Brigid Delaney, a senior writer for The Guardian Australia, admitted that she stopped going to the gym in 2016. As a result, her muscles atrophied and she became weak. Who’s to blame for her actions? Why, President Donald Trump, of course.

“It was 9 November 2016 and my thinking about fitness changed almost overnight. In tune with the times, it became more Trump, less Obama,” Delaney wrote. “In the spirit of the Donald, I drank more bottles of Diet Coke and ate more McDonald’s. I dropped the gym – embracing Trump’s belief that we are given a certain amount of energy and if we use it then we are depleting a finite resource.”

Oh, come on. This isn’t Trump-thinking, this is laziness masquerading as political commentary. Like so many other liberals, Delaney became depressed when Trump won the election in 2016, and she used this depression as an excuse to become weak.

Her depression came through in her article. Before the 2016 election, Delaney had made a bet of sorts with the owner of her gym. If the Republican won, she would have to pull 70 kg on a “sled.” If Hillary Clinton won, the gym owner would pull his personal best. In a feat of strength, she pulled the sled.

“Yeah, I could pull a pretend sled. But how was that going to help me when the world had been destroyed by nuclear weapons or climate change?” Delaney asked.

So the journalist justified giving up the gym, which she “associated … now with Donald Trump.”

But Delaney didn’t just associate the gym with Donald Trump’s victory. She associated her own laziness with Donald Trump’s lifestyle.

The journalist quoted the book “Trump Revealed,” in which Michael Kranish noted that “Trump believed the human body was like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted. So he didn’t work out. When he learned that John O’Donnell, one of his top casino executives, was training for an Ironman triathlon, he admonished him, ‘You are going to die young because of this.'”

“I didn’t want to die young, so I didn’t go to the gym,” Delaney confessed. Uh huh… Sure.

The Guardian writer explained her laziness as an effort to follow in the footsteps of her new global overlord. She quoted Trump’s interview with Reuters (from January of this year, by the way), laying out his exercise routine. “I get exercise. I mean I walk, I this, I that. I run over to a building next door. I get more exercise than people think,” the president had explained.

So Delaney took up the charge. “I walked. I this. I that. Months passed. Then a year. Trump was going to be in power for another 1,000 years. Or at least that’s what it felt like. Could I really avoid the gym for the entirety of his presidency?”

Her muscles atrophied. What a surprise! “I missed being strong enough to open jars and carry groceries,” the senior writer confided. She tried to hide her weakness, but she couldn’t. “You are either strong or you are weak. And I was weak.”

If you stop working out, you will get weak, no matter your excuse. By her own account, Delaney stopped working out in 2016 — long before Trump explained his “I this, I that” workout regimen. This is nothing more than a pitiful complaint, echoing Barbara Streisand — who blamed the president when she started gaining weight last year.

Note to all liberals who felt like their world exploded on November 8, 2016: No matter who is president, the rules of physics and biology still apply to you. You still need to take responsibility for your actions, and Trump is no excuse to stop working out, eat comfort food all day, or just give up on life. If you do this and blame Trump for the consequences, you are making a fool of yourself.

Oh, and when you say that “Trump derangement syndrome” doesn’t exist, we reserve the right to laugh at you.