News & Politics

Amid Disasters at Home and Abroad, Biden White House Staffers Busy Choosing ‘Magic Spirit Animals’

John Raoux

They call them “public servants,” although that usage is a bit quaint in this age of staggeringly corrupt, self-serving politicians, and it’s good to know that Biden White House staffers are hard at work, doing everything they can to improve the lot of Americans and protect our nation and its allies. Politico reported Tuesday that “some people in the Biden administration are huge Harry Potter fans” and are spending a lot of time choosing “magic spirit animals” for themselves. Will the magic spirit animals, or patronus, in Harry Potter terminology, of Biden’s handlers, help get the remaining Americans out of Afghanistan, end the crisis at the Southern border, or turn around the tanking economy? Politico didn’t say.

The crack Politico “journalists” have, however, been on this story for a long time. Back on January 7, they first reported that Merrick Garland, who was soon to become attorney general, was “a Harry Potter fanboy.” And not just someone who enjoyed the books and movies: Garland, according to Politico, was “such an earnest fan of the series that President Barack Obama’s aides nicknamed him ‘Dumbledore’ [although some said that was also due to his genial manner].”

Yeah, he’s a genial guy. He is a ferociously partisan hack who shows numerous signs of moving toward criminalizing political opposition in the United States under the guise of fighting “white supremacy,” but hey, he loves Harry Potter, so how bad could he be? Garland, says Politico, got Harvard to give Potter creator J.K. Rowling an honorary degree, and during his commencement speech to the 2016 graduating class of his high school alma mater, he expatiated at length on lessons from the Potter books, calling Hermione Granger “one of my favorite people” and quoting her saying, “I’m hoping to do some good in the world.” He told the graduates: “Now that doesn’t mean that you and your friends have to vanquish Lord Voldemort….But as Professor Dumbledore once told Harry Potter: It is our choices that show what we truly are, more than our abilities. So make the choice to do to some good in the world.”

Members of the Biden White House team have apparently decided to do some good in the world not by addressing the problems created by the administration’s disastrous choices in Afghanistan, or the other problems arising from Biden’s handlers’ mismanagement of the economy, but by joining Garland in Harry Potter foolery. Emilie Simons, the assistant press secretary, even has a “collage above her desk in the West Wing” featuring the magic spirit animals of her colleagues.

According to Politico, “rapid response director Mike Gwin is a bald eagle. Deputy press secretary Andrew Bates is a black stallion. Assistant press secretary Vedant Patel is an orca whale. Press assistant Natalie Austin is a Siberian husky. Deputy press secretary Chris Meagher is technically a bear but Simons changed it to be a picture of a teddy bear dressed as a wizard — wand and all.” Wait a minute: I thought they were all skunks.

In a follow-up story on Wednesday (apparently someone at Politico thinks this is as important as the White House staffers do), Politico upgraded Simons’ collage to a “mural!,” complete with an exclamation point, and informed us that Press Secretary Jen Psaki is a “wild cat — a picture of a cat is affixed to her Vogue profile shot.” Meanwhile, “press office chief of staff Amanda Finney is a lion. Press assistant Angela Perez is a capybara. Principal deputy press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre is a black mare. Press assistant Michael Kikukawa is a jack rabbit. Assistant press secretary Kevin Munoz is a deer. And Simons is an exotic, colorful bird. She thinks it’s a Bali bird of paradise but that could not be independently verified.”

Well, get on that, Politico! And while you’re at it, tell us the magic spirit animals of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. Old Joe might be a possum, except they’re always playing dead, not playing at being alive. And Kamala? The mind reels. Maybe a hyena? Can hyenas be said to cackle?

In any case, the whole Politico series of three stories on the Pottermania in the Biden White House brings to mind the immortal words of the longtime far-Left White House correspondent Helen Thomas: “Everything is going down the drain.” While Biden’s handlers were choosing magic spirit animals and working on their “murals!,” the Taliban were essentially handed $85 billion worth of American weaponry and military hardware, and Americans are still trapped in the country. Maybe if Biden’s White House staff put the Harry Potter books down for a while and got to work, they might find some ways to get them out and to mitigate the catastrophe that is Biden’s Afghanistan policy. They might even figure out a way to revitalize the economy beyond raising taxes and increasing government interference.

On second thought, these are hardcore, doctrinaire Leftists. Maybe it’s better for all of us if they paid as little attention to their actual jobs as possible. Time to make another mural, folks!

Related: Harry Potter and the Transphobic Author