News & Politics

Google Adds Muslim Animal Sacrifice Festival 'Eid al-Adha' to American Holiday Calendar

When I opened my Google calendar yesterday, imagine my surprise that America got a new holiday when no one was looking. Despite the banks being open and the mail service still going, apparently it’s Eid al-Adha time here in the United States according to Google. Since it’s an “American” holiday an American such as myself should be able to tell you what it is, but, of course, I can’t since this obscure holiday has nothing to do with America and never has.

What is it? For the uninitiated into Muslim celebrations of blood and death, let’s check it out.

Oh fun! It’s rivers of blood running through the streets. Who needs hot dogs and fireworks? There’s nothing more American, according to Google, than going out in the backyard and sacrificing a goat. In case you doubt that this is what happens on Eid, here’s a first-hand account.

We arrived to find a tiny goat tied up in the front yard. My grandfather had picked it out from a neighboring farmer to welcome us, and a few hours later, he unhooked it from the tree, then took his blade all around the goat’s neck. A sea of blood quietly gushed from the ragged hole, and its headless body still kicked its bound legs. In the midst of my horror, my grandfather handed me the bloody knife, smiling. His smile is my favorite. It starts at his mouth and cascades through the rest of his face, folding his thin cheeks to waves and lighting his eyes. It’s really hard not to smile back. Reflexively, I took the knife and smiled too.

What a lovely family tradition. (Where’s PETA when you need them?) (Answer: They’re pestering cookie manufacturers to release their animal crackers from cages.)

While ancient cultures have their reasons for this type of thing, must we pretend that the American culture has anything to do with it? Because it doesn’t. America is a new country that turned its back on ancient animal sacrifices and decided we would rather leave that to the butcher and keep our streets sanitized and blood-free. But Google is determined to drag us into celebrating a culture we know nothing of and have no desire to understand.

This seems to be more of Google’s war on American traditions. Easter, which is a national American holiday, was ignored by Google Doodles this year entirely. The Google wallpaper never changed to show us even pagan Easter eggs.

Some will say that Eid al-Adha is a wonderful celebration of giving to the poor because after the animals are butchered, the meat is distributed to the needy. Well, bully for them. We have something similar that doesn’t involve stabbing living things with knives called the “offering” at Sunday service every week. That money goes to feed the poor too. We also have soup kitchens and food pantries, none of which require blood to run through the streets. America has a true culture that is clearly outlined — a Judeo-Christian culture. All our holidays and celebrations stem from those beginnings. None of our traditional American celebrations have any Eastern influence. The fact that many cultures inhabit this country doesn’t change the fact that our traditional culture is Western and steeped in Christianity. Traditionally, immigrants to America embraced our culture and holidays, glad to leave behind “old country” ways.

America is the right place for that. America isn’t the place to drag people back to the dark ages of bloody sacrifice, female genital mutilation, and streets running red with blood. That’s for those other places our president once referred to as sh*tholes. (You can add wherever these bloody streets are to the Top 10 Sh*tholes No one Wants to Visit.) There are plenty of terrible places you can go to soak up the “culture” if that’s your thing. But not here, Google. Not here.