Before I write a whole post mocking and belittling Hillary Clinton, let me begin on a more positive note: Happy 73rd Birthday, Hill!
Happy birthday to this future president. pic.twitter.com/JT3HiBjYdj
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) October 26, 2016
That was four years ago today, and the world looks a lot different than she thought it would. But hey, she can always run again. She’ll only be 77 in 2024, and Joe Biden has shattered the “Decrepit Old Codger” glass ceiling. Trump is the oldest person to ever be inaugurated president in the history of the United States, and the Democrats can’t allow him to hold that record. They just had to one-up him.
Anyway, I couldn’t bring myself to vote for Hillary’s opponent four years ago, but I sure was relieved she lost. As noted by our greatest living philosopher, Norm Macdonald, Americans hated Hillary so much that they elected a guy they hated even more, just to spite her. And since then, I’ve derived countless hours of pleasure from watching her seethe about her abject failure. She still can’t believe she lost to that guy. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Her 2016 coronation was a fait accompli, and she absolutely will not shut up about it. There are sore losers, and then there’s this incessantly bellyaching termagant.
And the libs can’t get enough of it. Hillary was just on some stupid NY Times podcast. Can you guess what the host wanted her to talk about?
Hillary Clinton has said she will be ‘sick to my stomach’ if President Trump secures re-election in next month’s election.
‘It makes me literally sick to my stomach to think that we’d have four more years of this abuse and destruction of our institutions. And damaging of our norms and our values. And lessening of our leadership. And the list goes on,’ she said in a new podcast, to be aired on Monday…
In a New York Times podcast, Clinton explained that she was sure many Republicans felt the same way.
‘Most Republicans are going to want to close the page. They want to see him gone as much as we do, but they can’t say it publicly.’
Okay, if she’s just going to project her own mental illness onto everybody else, let’s turn it around: Most Democrats thought it was hilarious that Hillary lost, but couldn’t say so publicly. They’ll deny it, of course, which just proves I’m right.
Hillary may well get her one and only wish. Trump has driven tens of millions of Americans completely out of their minds, and next week we could elect a man who seems to think he’s running against George W. Bush, or possibly even George H.W. Bush. If that does happen, look on the bright side, MAGA-heads: At least Hillary will spend the next four years gloating, not whining. A change is as good as a rest! And either way, she won’t be doing it from the Oval Office.
Even if you’re a Trump fan, the thought of him losing has a silver lining: Just imagine the look on Hillary’s face if Biden wins and then, God forbid, for some reason he’s unable to finish his first term. Imagine Hillary sitting in front of the TV, glass in hand and a few empty bottles of wine in front of her, watching Kamala Harris being sworn in as the first female president. The historic moment that should have been hers. Envision Hillary’s inner torment as she thinks about all the wonderful things she would’ve done as president. Feel her suffering as she reflects on a lifetime of bitter humiliation at the hands of her faithless husband, which she gladly endured in service to her one obsessive, overweening goal.
And it was all for nothing.