Where were you when you learned that drinking cows’ milk is evil? You were in front of the TV watching the 2020 Academy Awards, that’s where. And if you weren’t, you heard about it anyway because it’s the only thing about this year’s Oscars that anybody remembers. The Joker scolded everybody for putting milk in our cereal, and he was totally not kidding.
Joaquin Phoenix is really out here at the #Oscars lecturing us about how we oppress cows for their milk pic.twitter.com/LmOmqVMXME
— Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) February 10, 2020
Joaquin Phoenix was also one of the few Oscar winners this year who was in a movie anybody saw, so he should be able to say whatever he wants. I raise a glass of 2% and toast in his honor.
The hope that somebody will say something insane is pretty much the only reason to keep watching the Oscars. Will we get another memorable moment like that next year? Will there even be an Oscars next year?
The 93rd Oscars aren’t until February, but the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is considering postponing the big night, according to multiple sources…
“It’s likely they’ll be postponed,” one of the sources familiar with the matter told Variety.
However, that person cautioned that the details, including potential new dates, have not been fully discussed or formally proposed yet…
Under the usual rules, a film must have a seven-day theatrical release in Los Angeles County to qualify for Oscar eligibility. But for this year, films released digitally can qualify if the studio had originally planned a theatrical release.
The Oscars have had a rough few years, haven’t they? There hasn’t been a host since 2018, because they can’t find anybody who didn’t send bad tweets 10 years ago. And now there might not even be an Oscars at all. Maybe they can talk Jimmy Kimmel into hosting it from his house. It couldn’t be any less funny than his show.
Why not just cancel the Oscars for good? Who needs it? Every year, millions of Americans watch these rich, pampered celebrities jump onstage and pat each other on the back about how great they are, while scolding the rest of us for living our lives. They openly hate us and want us to starve to death while they sit around in their mansions. If they care about us so little, why should we care about them?
Will there even be enough movies to nominate anyway? What’s in the running for Best Picture, Bloodshot? Bad Boys for Life? Maybe the Chinese did us all a favor. Even Hollywood can’t last forever without all the money we throw at them every year.
America got along just fine for 150 years before somebody invented the Academy Awards, and we’ll get along just fine after they’re gone. They need us more than we need them.
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