News & Politics

De Niro: Cuomo Is a 'Very Capable Backup' If 'Something Would Change' with Biden, 'God Forbid'

Robert De Niro introduces a performance by Bruce Springsteen at the 72nd annual Tony Awards at Radio City Music Hall on Sunday, June 10, 2018, in New York. (Photo by Michael Zorn/Invision/AP)

I haven’t paid much attention to late-night TV since Conan was banished to basic cable and Letterman passed away, but I’m told the networks are still broadcasting new shows. Good for them! That’s the spirit. And every now and then, something happens on one of those late-night shows that’s interesting enough to put on the Internet. This is one of those things, possibly.

The clip you’re about to see features actor Robert De Niro talking to someone named Stephen Colbert. I’m not sure who that is, but apparently he has a webcam. And last night, he asked De Niro which character he would play in a movie based on the last two months of world history:

Coleman: Who do you want to play? Can’t say Fauci, because Fauci’s already been taken by Brad Pitt… Cuomo?

De Niro: I guess I’ll play Cuomo. I like… He’s, yeah, he’s, he’s, he’s doing what… what a president should do.

Coulson: Could you see President Cuomo? Could you see that?

De Niro: I could see that, yes, I could see it. Um… I think, um… though I’m for Biden and I want everything to go well with Biden… uh, y’know, but, um… at least, um, we have a, um, a person who is very capable. A very capable backup, if you will. Not Vice President, but, but… if he… something would change, which we, God forbid, nothing will change, um… he would be a, uh… he’s doin’ a great job. He’s doing what any president should do.

Conrad: Yeah, yeah. And… and what, what New York deserves. What the world deserves. But it’s, he seems like a very, like, he’s a real New York governor.

De Niro: Sure he is. Yeah. Heh, heh. Yeah.

The finest actor of his generation, and one of our most quick-witted and stimulating conversationalists.

De Niro and that other guy are right, of course. Andrew Cuomo is indeed very capable, if you ignore things like turning New York’s nursing homes into death traps and waiting almost two months into a global pandemic to sterilize the New York City subways. Sure, NYC is now being cited as “the primary source of new infections in the United States.” Yeah, okay, fine, so the city and state of New York have failed utterly in the face of this crisis. If you want to get all nitpicky.

But other than that, Cuomo’s doing a fantastic job!

When you consider that the flag-bearer of the Democratic Party is now a doddering old man who can barely remember his own name, let alone who he has or hasn’t raped from time to time, it’s no surprise that Dems are trying to come up with a Plan B.

Why not Cuomo? He can kill as many New Yorkers as he wants, and they’ll still love him as long as he keeps going on TV and babbling for hours at a time. At least he’s not Trump, right?

Andrew Cuomo is what New York deserves. And what the world deserves.