News & Politics

Bad News for Beyond (Fake) Meat and Impossible (to Choke Down) Burgers

(Image by uh_yeah_20101995 from Pixabay)

Every other day I see a “news” story exhorting me to eat stuff that’s supposed to look like cooked animal flesh but isn’t, and doesn’t smell or taste like it. I’m supposed to prefer a chunk of heavily salted vegetable protein to the flavor and nutritive value of actual meat from an actual cow or pig or chicken.

Which has never made sense to me. If you don’t want to eat meat for whatever stupid reason, then… don’t. Eat actual food that grew out of the ground or was picked off a tree or whatever. Eating a very poor substitute for meat is, well, a very poor substitute. Unless you’ve lost your taste buds in some sort of horrible accident, I don’t know why you’d bother with that slop. Why torment yourself? As the great Joe Bob Briggs put it: “Stop lying and eat your salad.”

And for once, most people agree with me! Richa Naidu and Praveen Paramasivam, Reuters:

Beyond Meat Inc on Thursday missed quarterly earnings expectations due to higher costs, and said Executive Chairman Seth Goldman would give up his executive status, while remaining chair of the board, sending shares down 10% in after-hours trade.

The plant-based meat company said deals with retailers and restaurants substantially narrowed its loss and boosted sales. But Beyond Meat reported a 1 cent per share loss during the period, versus analyst expectations of a 1 cent profit…

But while Beyond Meat and its main rival Impossible Foods race to sign on major global restaurant chains, there have been some signs of issues including Canadian restaurant chain Tim Hortons dropping Beyond Meat’s products from its menu, saying they were not “embraced” by customers during a trial. Last month, Burger King began cutting the price of its Impossible Burgers, adding them to its value menu.

I’m not surprised that nobody wants to pay full price for a burger that isn’t really a burger. But I guess it’s an option if you’re running low on cash that day. Which might be a good idea for a slogan. Beyond Meat: When You Can’t Afford the Real Thing!

At least this stuff is made out of foods you’d probably eat in their original form, like peas and rice and whatnot. If plant-burgers aren’t taking off, there’s no way they’ll ever get us to eat bugs. I don’t see much future in maggot hot dogs and cricket-burgers and the other insect-based nightmare foods these ghouls are cooking up. If that’s what we all need to eat to save the planet, just bring on the coronavirus already.